Is it Love? (Choi Young Do)

~Chapter 15~

I can't stand it when you look at me because once I lock eyes with you, I can never look away from you. Your beautiful soul, mind, body...Just you. Everything about you is everything I want but I definitely don't deserve. All I ever want is to be with you.

Part 15~

   Chan Young put out the fire and each of us retired to our tent for some much needed rest. Choi Young Do came inside our tent and flicked on the electric lantern that hung above us. I groaned and opened my eyes. I rolled over and watched him smirk at me. I sighed and sat up. "Do you just have to annoy me at least once every day?" I raised and eyebrow at him. He laughed and nodded. "Of course I do. Can't you tell it's my speacialty? Why don't you look at the necklace I brought you from America as a gift... As a reminder that you'll always be the mouse trapped in my game." He pointed at the necklace that adorned my neck. I rolled my eyes and smiled at him. "What will you do..." I paused unsure of if I should say it or not. "What will you do when I have to go back to America?" I went ahead and asked him with no fear. "You don't have to go back there. Stay here instead." His expression changed to desperation. "Young Do, I'm an exchange student. You know I have to go back to finish school." I chuckled but he was serious. "Just finish school in Korea then. I'll pay for it. I'll pay for everything!" He continued to try and bargain with me. "I'm on a student Visa. I have a U.S citizenship to uphold. It's not that easy, and money can't solve everything." I started to get serious. "Ok...so what if I follow you to America?" When he said that, I realized he was serious about me. He truly wanted to be by my side and if I hadn't really by now, then I really had to be blind. "Young Do, then you'd have to get a U.S citizenship instead. You have a business to uphold here. It'd be better if you stayed behind." When I said this, I wasn't aware of how bad it would hurt him. I wasn't aware that he put so much into me until now. I even believed I hurt myself in the process of the situation. "You don't want me to stay with you? I told you that I liked you...but you want to end this without even attempting to find anything that'll slightly keep us together. Were you lying when you said you liked me too? Is this just some sort of game to you?!" He asked me loudly. I gasped when I saw his eyes begin to water. "Choi Young Do..." I touched his arm but he snatched it away from me. He rushed out of the tent and ran into the woods. "Young Do!" I shouted in hopes that he'd come to his senses and turn around, but he continued into the woods. I hurried out of the tent and rushed to find him. It was dark in the woods and very foggy. I was lucky enough that the moon was full and bright enough to barely light my way through the darkness.

   "Young Do! Choi Young Do! Young Do! Young Do!" I searched through the folliage for him. I was scratched up a little from the various thorns, but I didn't care. I had to find him. I kept shouting his name and I kept searching for him. 15 minutes had already passed by, and I was freezing. The worst part was that I realized that I was lost...alone in the dark woods. I was also freezing by now. I never pictured my first experience in Korea to also be my very last. I sighed and sat on a moss covered log. "Well...I'm sorry mom, dad, and brother. It looks like I won't be coming home when this is over...DON'T LET MY BROTHER TAKE MY STUFF WHEN I DIE." I spoke to myself in English. Suddenly there was some ruffling in the bushes ahead of me. "So I'll be eaten by a bear before I freeze to death? That's alright. I can bargain with that." I said as if everything were going to be ok. I was actually terrified and shivering from the cold as well. To my luck, Young Do came stepping out of the bushes. When he saw me, he rushed up to me and hugged me tightly. He apologized over and over, his tears staining my shirt. I started to cry too, but I realized I needed to stop because the wind was hitting them and making me even colder. "I shouldn't have ran away from you like that. Because of me, we are in this danger right now. I'm so sorry Lilly." Young Do used my nickname instead of my full name for the first time. He sat next to me on the log and looked up at the moon. "It's too dark for us to try and find our way back, even with the full moon shining brightly. All of the supplies, and the compass are at the camp. Thank God we ate before this happened or we'd be hungry. I just think-" Young Do suddenly stopped talking and looked at me. He noticed my composure with my arms crossed and my shivering. He quickly unzipped his thick jacket and put it over both of us. "If you were going to chase after me you should have at least put on a jacket first. Aisssh!" He complained but I managed to utter a laugh. Young Do stared up at the moon for a moment before once again turning his attention back to me. He stared into my eyes for a while longer and sighed.

"I'm so sorry. I know why you want me to stay behind now. Who would ever want a man like me by their side." He looked down. I glared and gathered the strength to punch him in the shoulder. He winced and touched grabbed his shoulder quickly. "YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT!!!! Choi Young Do! I...I really like you. Choi Young Do...I love you ok? I'm sorry I said all those things to you. I just didn't want to mess anything up. You are now a businessman with plenty of things to handle while your father is in jail. Meanwhile, I have to finish school and go to a nice university. How can either us be together is what I originally thought. But Young Do...I think we can be together if we sacrifice. I'm not sure if your English is good so you don't have to come to live in America...My Korean is alright, so I'll come live over here if that is what it must be. I trully care about you and I'm sorry I hurt you the way I did." I apologized to him. The tears were now rolling from his eyes. He said nothing, but he pulled me into a tight hug with the jacket dropping from his shoulder and only covering me. He pulled away and looked deeply into my eyes. Then he opened his mouth to say something that truly changed the way I had seen Choi Young Do...

"When I fell in love with Cha Eun Sang, I never felt this strongly as I do when I'm with you. I can't keep away from you and you mean more to me than anything else. I know first love doesn't always work out, but I know you...my second love...will work out. I'm sorry for all the times I scared you, hurt you, or made you cry. You are the only person that makes my heart beat this way. When I sleep at night, you're all I dream of. When I wake up in the morning, you're all I want to see. I'm in love with you...and everything about you." He finished speaking. As soon as his words registered in my head, I pulled him close and crushed my lips against his. I could feel his heartbeat pick up by just how close we were together right now. Although I had felt as if we were going to freeze out here, I had never been warmer than I am now with his lips pressed against mine. By now, we had established our love for each other. By now...he had become someone I now KNOW that I cannot be without. Choi Young Do was mine and I was now his. At least if we were going to die out here in the woods...we could finally be together in the end. "THERE YOU TWO ARE!!!" Chan Young emerged from the bushes and tossed a backpack off of his shoulders. He rushed to us and felt our foreheads. "You guys are freezing!!! What were you two thinking!?!?! Seriously! If you didn't want to let us see you kissing, couldn't you just do it in your tent instead of running all the way out here?!?!?" Chan Young fussed at us. I was just happy to see him. He glared at us and pulled a walkie talkie from his pocket. "Guys, I found them. They're about 2 miles from the camp heading north. Everyone head here and we can walk back together." He announced. He then glared at us again and sighed while shaking his head. "Aigooo you two! I expected this kind of behaviour from Young Do...but really Lilly?!" He continued to fuss at us like we were children. He then grabbed his backpack and dug through it to pull out a blanket/throw. He also pulled out some hot water bottles and handed them to us. "Sorry Chan Young. We can explain everything." I started to talk but he shoved an unwrapped honeybun into my mouth. "Hush because I don't want to hear it." He was upset with us still. "I'm just glad you two are ok." A small smile found it's way onto his lips. He then gave Young Do a honeybun and dug through his bag for a thermometer and other materials. Eventually, the others showed up and we found our way back to camp. After settling back down, Choi Young Do wrapped his arm around me tightly and closed his eyes to rest. I did the same, and dreamed of him. This time it was not of me being tortured, but it was of me being with him on a beach. I pictured the warm sand between our toes, and the smell of the ocean assaulting our noses. I pictured his perfect smile and the way he held me when the sun began to set. It carried over into the morning when I opened my eyes to see him still by my side. He had a peaceful smile that indicated his dream was beautiful as well. For a long time I just sat there and watched him sleeping peacefully. Soon enough, he opened his eyes and looked up at me. "Was last night a dream?" He uttered quietly. I shook my head and smiled at him. He quickly sat up and pulled me into a deep kiss.