STEP BROTHER [LK] - COMPLETED

32. Not Enough

"Lisa, finish your pasta." Rose scold me when I push the plate with half leftover pasta aside. I pout my lips and then facing the plate which's Rose put it back to its spot. "Eat."

I munch the pasta unmotivated when I see him, walking angrily dragging his bag on the floor. I try to avoid him and look at my still full pasta on my plate but then the shadow come toward me, along with familiar scene I used to love the most. Kookie. I look up at the angry him, his jaw clenched, his eyes wide open.

"Let's talk." He said shortly and I shift my sit potion on the chair, leaning my back.

"Go on. Talk." I tell him but it seems hurt him, he blink at me dramatically.

"What did I do wrong to you? Why did you cheated on me?" he then surrender and spill out the anger to me. "Am I not enough?"

"Yeah." I answer him heartlessly, carelessly. Just like how careless he had been doing with his mochi in front of me for about 2 weeks earlier. "You are not enough."

"Barbie..." he called me between his harsh breath, now he is kneeling on my right side leaving Jisoo and Rose mouth wide open. "Don't do this to me." He then try to reach my hand but I refuse it, I stand up and then walk away. I can't make him cry in front of peoples, but why did I even care? I stopped when we reach the garden, there is no people around there. I used to meet Bambam in here to talk about our homeland and everything.

"Look. Let me ask you Jungkook." I state. "If I really need you and then Soomi call you saying that she need you right beside her what will you do?" he hold his breath the time I ask him that question. Seconds become minute, but he is still thinking.

"I choose you." he said. "You know that I will choose you." he came forward and I step backward.

I chuckled to hear what he said. "If you hesitate, and even if you have to think before answering me, leave me. Just go." I genuinely saying this to him. I don't want he forces himself to be with me when half of his heart look away to check on someone else. I need someone who will choose me and will never stop choosing me.

"You know where to stand, I am strong enough." I said to him who's now still watching me, with watery and bloodshot eyes. I want to wipe it so badly. But I can't. "I can survive." At least I won't stay still when someone hurt me, and even if I do, I will make sure they pay the right price for that. At least I won't kill my self. "I do need you, but I can live without you."

--

"Let's say it's your nature to play as a victim." I look at my left side to see a blonde girl standing beside me, looking at something I've watch before. Jinny. I've seen her before in the charity at Hongdae, I expect her to show up earlier. But I think she is busy. "In anyway possible." She added then chuckled watching me, I smile.

"Yeah, you probably right. I am weak." I answer her and then walk away, enough for watching them now. Jungkook and his mochi.

"You run away. That's why this is happening again to you." she said walk with me side by side. I look at my shoes, it's yellow, B.I gave it to me on our first anniversary. And I still have it with me, I love too deep. Even when they did such things to me, I still do.

"Well, I can't force them. I can't compete with their past." I am saying again watching the shoes she wear, friendship gift I gave to her. I smile bitterly, how I love her back then. How I always put her happiness over me, and once I ask her to think about me, turn out it's about the one who she loves the most too.

"Stop arguing with yourself, asking. Just ask." She said and then she stops make me stop too. "It's not my fault that Pim dead. It's yours." I look down, yeah that's right. "I leave her to choose, but when she have you as the last and only person to depend on you only left her. Turning off your senses and never ask."

"You never ask what's my feeling toward B.I before you hit on him. He was once my boyfriend, before he got attached to you. You never ask what's B.I feel the time you eavesdropping our conversation that night." So she know. She knows everything.

"I'll never stop pouring gasoline on the fire in you." she said sternly. "I will never let it die. I will make you burn what's hurt you. Fight. Fight for your own happiness." No I refuse to be happy, I am afraid to be happy. Cause whenever I get too happy something bad always happen.

I am afraid Jinny.