Finding Myself

Chapter 3: The Outsiders

Chapter 3: The Outsiders

So, my friends started to notice little by little that I wasn't excatly being myself. I didn't talk that much and when they tried to talk to me, I was mean to them. It wasn't their fault, it was mine. But I was so brainwashed that I didn't even realize it myself.

I remember this day so perfectly. It still cuts me like a knife everytime I think about it..

It was a typical Friday. People in my class sorta noticed that I wasn't talking that much. Jason noticed. He tried to talk to me but I just walked away. "Olivia! What's been wrong lately? You're acting different," he says as I try to ignore him and spin my lock with my combination. I pulled on the lock. Nothing.

"Crap! You made me mess up on my combo!" I said. It wasn't really what I said, but the way I said it that made him walk away shaking his head.

On a normal day, that would've never happened. But today was so far from normal that it was insane to compare them.

As the day went on, my patience level dropped lower and lower. No one talked to me because they knew that I wasn't having a good day. But it was a lot worst than that.

Next thing you know, it was gym time. I headed for the gym. I couldn't wait to see my friends. Somehow they always made my day better.

As soon as I walked into the gym, I realized I was one of the first people in there. Awkward! None of my friends were there yet. I took a seat on the bleechers and waited for them.

More people came in. Then Alicia and Suzy came. I was a little happier. The only thing that made me a little uneasy was the fact that they wouldn't look at me. I just put my head down and waited for them to come over and sit with me. That never really happened.

They sat near me...5 seats down. It was weird. Something wasn't right. Maybe they didn't see me. Maybe they didn't even notice. They were deep in conversation.

Then Lizzy came. She instantley ran over to Alicia and Suzy. Still none of them noticed I was up there. Or they did and just didn't want to sit with me. Why would they do that? They're my best friends! They must've not seen me. Right?

Just then Dottie busted into the gym laughing. She looked at me then looked at Suzy, Lizzy, and Alicia. Before she decided where to sit or what to say, our gym teacher called us to go to lunch. They were ahead of me because they were closer to the door.

They didn't wait for me.

As I made my way down the hallway to lunch, I started feeling butterflies in my stomach. What if they don't like me anymore?

After I finally made it to lunch, I get at the very end of the line because believe it or not, they didn't save me a spot in line either.

After 20 minutes of waiting in line, I finally get my food and look at the table we usually look at. Alicia was sitting in my seat. No big deal. I went and sat next to her.

I looked up and no one noticed I sat down. Alicia had her back to me. I just eat my food.

"All yall ready to go to the trash can? " asked everyone clearly not even glancing at me. They all shook their heads yes and took off to the trash can. After a couple of minutes, I realized that they didn't come back. I took at the top of the table to see that they were now sitting there and had left me alone.

Alone. They left me. Alone.

People were looking at me because they noticed too. The girls who were inseparable were separated.

I felt my face get hot. I barely felt it when the first tear dropped down my cheek. The girls across the table that hasn't talked to me in years were instantly by my side. More hot tears. Soon Dottie was beside me.

The reason I was crying wasn't really because they left me alone. And everyone was trying to figure out what was wrong. They kept asking questions like "Did Jack do something? " referring to my ex boyfriend. They also asked "Did they do something? " "Is something happening at home? ".

Something was happening at home. Everything was changing to fast. But, life's a climb. And at that very moment, the only person I wanted to tell was Dottie, becase all the other people really didn't care about me, they were just curious.

The teacher calls us to go back to the gym and as soon as I entered the hallway, other old curious friends were by my side. I just pushed through them toward the gym. No more curious 'friends' needed.

I tried to stay out if sight but my gym teacher Mrs. Carroll saw me crying. "Olivia, what's wrong? ",she asked me. I just shooked my head. "Well, do you need to go to the bathroom? " I nodded my head yes, then took off down the hallway to the bathroom

I was crying so much, I felt like I was about to pass out.

I looked at the reflection of myself in the blocks on the bathroom wall. I wanted to punch it so badly but I knew I'd mess up my hand. I felt like screaming but I didn't want people to come in the bathroom with me. I finally turned away from the blocks and looked at my reflection in the mirror. Mascara and eye liner ran down the sides of my face.

After I cleaned up my makeup and took a deep breath, I walked out of the bathroom toward the gym. But even then, I knew that I wasn't done crying.

As I pushed myself through the gym doors, I didn't wanna face the truth. I didn't know what was about to happen. And I kinda didn't wanna know.

Before I sat down, Dottie came up to me. "We all need to talk, " she says, leading me to where they were sitting."You know why we left? Because all you do is bring us down lately," she says looking me in the eye. "I'm sorry. I've just been through a lot this week, " I say, still breathing kinda hard from when I was crying.

"And it hurt when I was trying to tell you something and screamed at me to shut up. You even told Dottie to go away once...." says Suzy as tears start coming down her face.

"Omigosh! I'm so sorry! I didn't even know I did any of those things!" I said. Suzy layed her head in my lap and cried somemore. "I'm sorry sweety! "I say as I hug her. "I'm sorry guys!" I say hugging Lizzy and Alicia, they had started crying, too. "I'll hug you, but I'm not gonna cry like yall, "says Dottie hugging me too.

We all laugh. Thank God this happened. It brought it closer to my best friends. And together, we are the outsiders.

Now, enough of all the crying. Lets get to the good part!