We're Alright

chapter 4

Today is going to be my first day is Johnson and I don't exactly know what to feel. I know that sitting around and just being sad all the time won't get me any where but at the same time I don't know what to do. I can pretend all I want, I lie to everyone, even myself but the truth is i'm broken and I don't think I will ever be able to heal from that. If I tell that to others, they'll just think i'm pathetic for hanging on, but I don't know how to let go. How do I let go of all the memories? How do I get over the fact that he hurt me? How do I stop loving? 

If I were to ask these questions to someone, I know they wouldn't have any answers and thats okay. I don't need answers I just don't need anyone to judge me. I just want to be left alone in my mess, if it's going to be fixed then i'm the only one that can fix it. 

"You almost done?" my asks as I stare at myself in the mirror looking at all the flaws I have. Maybe these flaws are the reason why Leo left me. 

"Yea, I'll be right down" I say. My mother looks at me in a way that almost makes me want to cry. She knows I'm not healed so she's trying her best to fix me. She walks away closing the door behind her. 

I close my eyes and sigh "You are okay Julia" I say to myself. I grab my new binder and shove it in my bag.  As i make my way down the staires, I smell freshly made pancakes. I smile at the thought of pancakes. I remember the first time Leo made me pancakes because he knew they were my favorite. They tasted horrible. He added salt instead of sugar. I remember telling him how much i loved them and his eyes lighting up at my words until the moment he actually tasted the pancakes himself. I couldn't stop laughing at his expresssion the moment he put the pancake in his mouth. 

"Julia?" my mom says looking at me from the end of the staires case, breaking me from my thoughts. 

I walk down not making eye contact with her. "It smells great in here" I say smiling and walking over to the counter to eat. 

We finally get in the car after finishing our breakfast. I have mixed feelings about going to Johnson for the first time. I feel nervous at the same time I feel kind of free, like this is a new start. We arrive and I stare at the big building. 

"Julia, are you going to get out?" my asks looking at me. 

I nod and get out of the car and slowing making my way to the entrace. 

"Julia!" my mom calls after me, stopping my walking. I turn around. 

"I love you Julia, good luck" she says smiling. 

I smile at her. "I love you too mom". I turn around holding on to my bag tightly and walk in the school. Once I get inside, I can see students making there ways to their lockers for their classes. I look around for the office. I sigh in defeat as I make over to a girl near me. 

"Excuse me, I'm sorry to disturb you but can you please tell me where the main office is."  I say to the back of her head. 

"Yea that's right, you are disturbing me and I don't like that so why don't you just make your way back to where you came from" she says with one of her hand on her hip. I just stare back her unable to say anything. 

"I'll show you the office" someone says from behind. I turn around to a with a girl with long brown hair and brown eyes.

"Thanks"  I say smiling at her. 

"Of course Rose always comes to the rescue, this why you are still a loser Rose". 

I turn back to the first girl and she gives me smirk. 

"I love you too" Rose says back to her before grabing my hand and pulling me away from her. 

"That's maria, as you can see, she is most kind person in our school" she says smiling. 

I laugh and follow her. Once we reach the office I thank Rose and tell her I'll be fine and that she should get to her class. When I get my schedule, I leave the office and make my way to the first class, which is English. At this time the hallways were already cleared, classes had already started.  "Great!" I thought, not only will I be late on the first day, but I will have to awkwardly find a place to sit while everyone stares.  When I find the room, I just stare at the number on the door for a while. Room 207. I sigh before turning the door handle and entering the room. The teachter stops talking and looks at me. Before he can say anything I hand him my papers that I was given at the office. 

"Oh yes,  Ms. Gilbert, I was i expecting you" he says smiling at me. "I'm Mr. Hills, you can take a sit anywhere" 

I mentally slap my forehead as I look around the room. Why couldn't he just tell me where to sit? I spot Rose and she smiles at me. I give her a small smile back, too bad there is no sit open next to her. I start scaning the room again until I meet eyes with the same boy i saw yesterday, the same smile plastered on his face. I look to his right and see the sit is empty. 

"Any day now Ms. Gilbert" Mr. Hills says smiling at me. I give him a small smile before making my way to the empty sit. I take a sit and take out my binder and a pen. Mr. Hills goes on taking about different books he has for the class to choose and read over the past month. 

"Psst new girl" I hear from my left. I look at the boy and he is smirking. 

I just stare at him, waiting for him to get to his point, when he doesn't continue, I look back to Mr. Hills. 

"Are you always like this or its just because you're new here?" he asks in a whisper. 

"Excuse me?" I say back to him. 

"I mean you look so innocent, and really distant" I says looking at me. I stare back at him.  I hear someone clear their throat. I look up to see Mr. Hills looking at us. 

"Carter I'm sure you'll have enough time to make Ms. Gilber fall for you but stop talking in my class" he says smiling and everyone laughs. I could feel the heat rushing to my cheecks. 

"You're ruining it for me Mr. Hills" Carter says smiling before winking at me. I look away just as the bell rings. "Thank god" I thought as I get up from my sit and start to walk away. Before i can make out the door, Carter makes his way infront of me. "See you around new girl" he says smiling and walking away. 

"Oh god, what did mom get me into?" i say under my breath.