piano man; d.h [discontinued]

anxiety

"Do you still need to take your meds today?" I asked Dan as he sat himself down on a chair in the empty dining hall.

"I already took them. The security people or whatever shoved them down my throat before I was allowed to come upstairs," he chuckled. A giggled, hoping no one would yell at me for being unsupervised in an empty room.

"Do you want to walk around a bit? Maybe peek around in sector 2? Or do you just want to stay here until they serve lunch?" I questioned as he twiddled his thumbs.

"I might wanna go walk around but," he paused, "I don't know. I'm worried I'll run into Phil and I won't know what to say to him." He looked down at the ground as I put an arm around him.

"You'll be fine, Dan. There's nothing to be scared of. That all happened in the past and we just need to forget about it and move on, yeah?" I tried to reassure him.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm just a scared little bitch," he mumbled.

"Don't say that, Dan."

"But it's true. I'm really scared of what Phil will think of me. I tried so, so hard to be normal, to be okay. Then I just went crazy one day and lashed out at people and I regret every second of it." I didn't know what to say. I sat in silence for a moment before leaning over to meet his eyes.

"Dan," I said, making sure he looked at me so he knew I was being serious, "It's okay. Everybody makes mistakes. It's no big deal. We'll go find Phil, and I'm sure he'll be delighted to see you, okay?"

"Okay," he mumbled. I got up off the chair I was sitting in and helped Dan off of his own. With Dan an entire 6 inches taller than me, I felt like I was leading on a giant.

We made our way through the long corridors in sector 2, the windows at the end of each hallway lighting up the place. every few metres there would be another big metal door, opening on to patients' rooms. Dan followed behind me closely, as though he was scared he would get called out. We slowly approached Phil's room as I peeked through the tiny glass window that let in light from the much larger one beyond the door.

Phil didn't appear to be inside his room, which meant he would be in the lounge, most like with Ruthie attatched to him. "He's not here. Most likely down in the lounge," I turned and told Dan.

"We can just forget about it. I haven't been up here in such a long time I wouldn't mind just wandering around." I gave him a nod of approval before we walked together out of the corridor, only to be greeted by the click clack sound of Madame's high heels.

"Greetings Nurse Coldwell. How are you today?" she asked in an almost derogatory tone.

"Fine, and you?" I answered, trying to be polite.

"Very well, thank you. How is Mr. Howell doing?" she questioned. I noticed Dan open his mouth to answer before I cut in.

"He's doing great, I'm sure," I said as I shot him a stare, as if to ask him to cooperate. He nodded in agreement.

"Wonderful," Madame exclaimed before dismissing us and strutting through sector 2. I let out a small sigh of relief as I looked up toward Dan.

"Thank you." We stood in silence for a moment before I motioned him to follow behind me to go see the lounge. The stairwell down to the main lounge was dirty, as though it hadn't been cleaned in years and the railing was in desperate need of some polish. As soon as we made it down to the main level, I walked past the breakfast hall, keeping Dan in my peripheral vision.

The lounge was fully upholstered, every wall covered in fabric-like wallpaper and the floor carpeted. The couches looked to be around 50 years old and the television in the corner of the room looked like something out of a 70s film.

I looked around the room until I spotted Phil, facing the corner talking to Ruthie. Dan, who hadn't fully come around the doorframe yet didn't notice him until I pointed it out. As soon as he found him he immediately jumped back against the wall away from the door. "I can't do it, Lia. I feel so bad."

"Dan," I grabbed his hand. "You'll be fine. Listen to me, you're going to be okay." His eyes were glued to the ceiling, his back pressed against the wall barely moving. I took his other hand and moved closer to him. "Look at me," I said, reaching up to pull his chin down. "You're going to be fine. Just walk in there and sit down. I'll introduce you and you'll be fine, okay?"

"Okay," he gulped, walking through the door still holding my hand behind me. I found an empty seat in the warmly lit room and motioned for him to sit down before I made my way to Phil and Ruthie.

"Hi," I said, examining Phil's shaking hands. "I was wondering if you guys wanted to meet my patient?" I spoke hesitantly, making sure Phil wasn't going to breakdown or have a panic attack.

"Phil, are you okay with meeting someone today?" Ruthie questioned calmly. Phil looked up at her and nodded, then turned to me. Ruthie took one of his hands in her own and helped him up off the sofa, helping him walk to the other side of the room. As soon as I moved even the slightest bit, Phil caught sight of Dan, his eyes widening wildly. He ran to the other side of the room, stumbling on chair legs in the way as Dan stood up out of his own chair. As soon as Phil was within arms distance, Dan wrapped his arms around him in a tight embrace, tears hanging in his eyes.

"How have you been?" Dan said in a calm tone, chuckling a little to himself as Phil burrowed his head into Dan's shoulder.

"That's not important. Are you okay?" Phil asked frantically. I looked over at Ruthie who had the biggest smile on her face. I could tell she really cared about Phil. I could tell she liked seeing him happy.

Ruthie and I both sat down on the sofa next to us as we watch Dan and Phil catch up. They were so eager to share stories with each other and talk to one another, the smiles on their faces were pure evidence.

"I don't think I've heard Phil talk this much all year," Ruthie said. I smiled brightly as I watched them converse, knowing that Dan was so excited to see his friend again. I leaned into the sofa, throwing my head back and trying to relax. After about five minutes I realized how suddenly quiet it was and I opened my eyes to see both Dan and Phil, asleep on the sofa.

---

As soon as I sent Dan back downstairs to his room, I came back up, got my stuff and left. I practically ran to the dormitories, so tired I just wanted to sleep. It wasn't even that late, only 10:30 PM.

When I returned to my room, I threw my stuff on the floor, glancing at the bulletin board and remembering something dreadful.

I needed to call Damon.