drowning in my thoughts.

detrimental love.

to: him
from: the girl in the corner

You. You're toxic. I am Snow White, while you are the poisonous apple I can't resist. I am a damsel in distress, and you are not my prince. You can't take care of me like I need you to. You don't understand me. You don't see the wonderful catastrophe inside my mind. You don't see the girl that sees beauty in this twisted world. You don't see the way my eyes light up when I look at you. And you don't see my love for words, more specifically, when they're strung together in lines of poetry. There's more to me than you'll ever know. You never gave me a chance to show you all that I have to offer. You see an object, a body. You see curves and breasts. You want someone to f*** with, and I want someone to laugh and cry with. I wish you could be that person. Part of me still believes that you are. My heart, it screams that you're perfect for me. It whispers that you're my soul mate. It yells to me day and night that you're the one. It repeatedly tells me that we can tackle this world together and live happily ever after at last. The thought of you can't escape my caged heart, but your body did. You left a piece of your soul behind. "Why?" I ask. Did you do it to torture me? To make sure I'd never love anyone else? Will you ever come back for me? No, you won't, you can't love someone as complicated as me. You can't connect your soul with mine, and you don't know how to let me in. You won't share all of your deep dark secrets, for you fear that I will see you as less of a man. But the thing is, I loved you even more when you shared your soul with me. It made me feel connected to you. It was like an exchange of thoughts. I share, you share. This trade didn't happen very often, but when it did, I could tell that you were about to crack. You had to spill one thought, one thing, to be able to keep going, to survive another day. I thought we were saving each other from ourselves, from drowning in our own thoughts. We meshed so well together. It felt as if we were no longer two individuals, but together as one. Until the end, did I realize that we were never whole, never glued together. It was a thought, a hope, and a dream. We drifted apart, back to two. And more than ever, I miss you. I miss the strong love we had for each other. I still have that love and passion, but you? You do not. I don't want to love you. I've spent so long dreading my love for you, trying to make it go away. But that's impossible. I can't change how I feel. I can't choose who I love. And as much as I hate to admit it, I need you. My heart aches for you and no one else. So, I sit here, waiting for my happily ever after. Waiting for you, my toxic love, to come back and save me from myself.