The Favoured, The Fair and Ms. Vérité Claire

10 The Great Pretenders (part 2)

Bernard's mother was about sixty-five, and a diminutive thing under five feet. She wore her black hair in finger waves under a shiny midnight blue beret and a tube top of the same colour with magenta stripes. Her arms were covered by a bolero but her super slim legs in harlequin patterned stockings were clearly being shown off as her favourite feature.

"She looks like fireworks," said Gads, thrilled.

But the real outburst came in short order from the imposing figure of the the infamous Captain Al, notorious bully, who dipped a knee and hollered merrily, "Hey-yo, everybody! The gang's all here!"

He was a wall of a man, broad, and at least a foot and a half taller than his wife, but dressed head to toe in denim and sporting an outdated feathered grey mullet and matching moustache, it was hard to reconcile Bernard's by now legendary, disapproving foil and the man triple kissing Vérité's cheek and channeling Rip Taylor.

"That's every awkward adolescent's worst nightmare?!" Gads whispered in disbelief.

"What is happening?" O'Neil murmured as if witnessing some miracle.

Captain Al chuckled hoarsely as Vérité complimented his wife's outfit.

"They almost didn't let us through security! They were sure it was a diversion tactic! They said, 'what does a little woman like her need such a big purse for?' I said, the silverware!"

"Al!" Liza giggled as her hubby teared up.

"She knows I'm teasing. She prefers my hair flatter though!" he yuk-yukked as he pretended to fluff his hair.

Gads and O'Neil gasped.

"Please tell me we're here on time to surprise Bernie. Oooh, I'm so excited I have to use the restroom something fierce!"

"You're quite on time," Vérité said graciously, giving her own hair a pat back into an upright position.

Al's eyes followed her shifting hairline, entranced. Though all were salivating for him to say something about Vérité's whipped topping, he opted not to. Instead he said, "We never thought we'd make it. Every time we've wanted to come on up here without fail something's gotten in the way. "

"It's almost bizarre," Liza agreed.

"And the few times we managed to book a last minute flight who suddenly shows up at the doorstep in sweet home St. John's to surprise us? Bernie! Something just did not want us to come to Toronto!"

Vérité cleared her throat uncomfortably. "But we're so glad you could this time. Please make yourselves at home and help yourself to refreshments. Captain?"

"Of what?" Gads whispered. "The Good Ship Lollipop?"

Julia had an awful feeling.

"Forgive me, is it the marines or the navy?" Vérité asked.

"Good lord! No, my dear, it's a fishing boat. I catch 'em in the morning and serve 'em for lunch."

"He makes so much money!" Liza beamed, patting her hubby's chest with her hand.

"Well who doesn't love fish 'n' chips?" said Vérité.

"And I brought some for EVERYBODY!" Al warbled. He laughed hoarsely again, slapping Vérité on the back, tipping her wig over slightly. "KIDDING!!! I've always wanted an Oprah moment."

"They don't make them like this guy, anymore," Liza said adoringly.

"They've actually ramped up production," Orson whispered to Julia.

"What is happening?" O'Neil asked again, this time more gleefully.

"What is happening?" Orson asked Julia, out of the loop.