The Favoured, The Fair and Ms. Vérité Claire

5 Full Of Beans

"Julia! Thank God you're here!"

'Here' was in Vérité's living room where Julia sat reattaching some lost sequins. Bernard stared down at her with a distorted expression, as though his front teeth got stuck on a dry inner lip on the way to a yawn.

"I know you think you're smiling, Bernard, but that's not what it looks like to other people."

"My, you're looking serene and symmetrical today," he said, ignoring her remark and mincing about.

"What's going on?" Julia sighed, wary.

"I need your expertise. I borrowed my friend's dress shirt from the dry cleaners and I wondered if you could tell me why there are bronzer stains and patchouli oil on the collar when my friend wears neither."

"Not a very good dry cleaner."

"It didn't technically make it to the belt."

Bernard shoved a white shirt at her. Julia put down Vérité's legwarmers and tried not to sound impatient.

"Well, my best guess would be he either lent it out or he got very close to someone wearing both."

"I need you to point me in direction of the source," he said.

"How would I know?"

"Can't you bring it back to your lab and run some tests?"

"For the hundredth time, I work out of my apartment. And it has windows, thank you very much."

Bernard waved the dress shirt under Julia's nose.

"I know what patchouli smells like," she said, turning her head away. He was ridiculously adamant.

"I thought you could catch the scent and pick up the trail."

"Get it out of my face!"

"Which side," he huffed, "the crooked one or the fat one?"

Julia glowered at him. "You're a horrible person"

"Ha! And what does that make you? You won't even help me after all I've done for you. It's tantamount to aiding and abetting a fraud!"

"Done for me? I'm a fraud?" Julia's mind boggled. What was there for her to do but calmly resume her sewing and say, "How about the next time you stuff your pants the socks go in the front?"

"Oh, you b -"

Bernard was cut off by Lotte padding through the living room on her way upstairs. She paused to check out Bernard's pants and held up 'OK' fingers.

"S'okay, Mr. Bernard. Look very natural today."

He erupted. "I hate you all! But especially you, Swift!" Julia tied a finishing knot, paying him no attention. "You better pray my friend at the RCMP doesn't find anything on you."

"Go on and wave an armpit stain under his nose then," she said dismissively, standing. "Unless he's the one who's cheating on you."

At this remark, Bernard reared up while a folded hand rose like a cat's paw about to box.

"Are you thinking about slapping me?" Julia asked him, incredulous.

"Noooo," Bernard answered as his curling paw still considered it.

"It'll be the last thing you do," Julia assured him.

Bernard sank back down to his men's heels. "Oooh," he pouted. "Look who's suddenly grown a pair."

"A pair of socks?!?" Julia whipped back.

Bernard instantly reassumed his striking stance.

At last they heard Lotte hailing Vérité as they passed one another on the stairs. Vérité practically swirled her way into the living room, her eyes sparkling, bursting with energy.