T O X I C

9: Violet

Last night Axios and I witnessed something that I didn’t want to know about. West might already be betraying us. We watched him go out in the middle of the night and into the sewer down the street when Axios and I came out and into this insane town. Bry  and my two roommates went to the mall again, so Axios and I are sitting together in my room. He’s sitting on Carrie’s bed and I’m sitting on my own, directly across from him. I know he’s reading me, so I don’t bother trying to block it out.

“Carrie has a crush on me?” He asks, a grin spreading across his face like a child in the early 2000’s on Christmas morning. He reads minds, so there’s no point in denying it. I just nod and smile back at him. “I knew it.”

“You did not.” I reply, then slowly draw in a breath, letting it adventure back out when I speak, “We have to talk about West.”

The air automatically converts from lighthearted to thick with anxiety - from me - and anger - from Axios. I wish I could read minds like him, because Axios is so hard to understand. I have something close to it, though: I can feel the emotions of other people, like a normal person’s empathy on steroids, but only if they’re strong emotions. Sometimes I see auras, but I have never seen his. I always feel his emotions, but he never shows a trace of anything on his face anymore. I never know if I’m right because he’s taken the biggest clue out of the equation: body language.

He sighs, running his fingers through his messy hair. His shoulders are slumped over and his back arched, voice even when he states, “I already told you I don’t trust him.” He won’t look at me when he says it.

I nod. “Look at me when you’re talking.”

“I know what you can do, now.” He replies, still gazing at the floor.

“That’s not nearly as bad as me reading your mind, and I still look you in the eye.” I snap. I didn’t mean to say it as harsh as I did, but I let it hang in the air for a moment. “You shouldn’t be afraid to let me know what you’re thinking. Not now. We’ve known each other and been loyal to each other for two years now. Most people bail or betray each other within a month. Plus, you can read my mind. You know how I feel about you, Axios.”

He stays silent, still not looking at me, and it kind of makes me angry. Not only can he see into my thoughts, my past, my motives, my desires, but I’m telling him these things straight up. He already knows everything I’m about to say, but I’m saying them as a form of trust - that I want him to know. That I’m not afraid to let him know. I clasp my hands together and bite my lip, then look at him again. “Please just tell me what you’re feeling.”

“No.”

I groan and throw myself off the bed. “What’s the matter with you? You haven’t been the same since we saw West that night.” I begin pacing when he doesn’t reply. “Axios, you’re scaring me.”

That’s when he looks me in the eye. If eyes can be scared, then his are trembling with pure fear. I’ve never seen such a look of pure terror in his eyes, like he just saw a ghost. Like he just saw me as a ghost. Even though his eyes give him away, nothing else does. When he knows I’ve received the gravity of his expression, he looks away again.

“No,” I say, barely a whisper. I walk over to him and kneel down in front of him, trying to gaze up into his eyes again. He closes them. “what are you afraid of?”

“I’m not afraid!” He retaliates, his tongue the whip and his voice the burn. He shakes his head and then looks back into my eyes again. “Don’t try any of that sappy crap on me, either.” For the next part, he makes a high-pitched voice: “Oh, Axios, it’s okay to feel scared! Oh, Axios, you shouldn’t bottle emotions up! Oh, Axios, it’s okay for guys to cry! Okay? Because it’s not.”