Ghosted

Childhoods and Apologies

They all waited anxiously to see if Gerard would get any better after the leg amputation. To their dismay, he only seemed to disintegrate further. Soon enough, Gerard seemed to have lost all vocal ability.

"Oh god, oh god, we've killed him!" Mikey panicked, regretting that they had removed the leg to begin with.

"Don't be silly." Ray argued. He frowned at Gerard's blank expression. "The infection may have already spread to other parts of his body, before we cut off the leg. If anything, we should have just done it sooner."

Mikey sighed miserably and adjusted the blanket that covered Gerard. They had kept him bundled in the blanket since the procedure. This was less for reasons that have to do with temperature, and more to do with them not wanting Gerard to have to look at the stump where a leg should have been. Although no one could really know how he felt about that, as he had not said a word.

Gerard had cried the entire night after the severing. When he eventually calmed down, he was strangely silent. Mikey could tell that it hadn't been the "I don't feel like talking" kind of silent. No, something was wrong. It was just their luck that Gerard did not seem to be able to tell them what that something was.

"Mikey." he heard Ray say beside him. Mikey snapped out of his thoughts and turned to the guitarist. Ray nodded over to the mouth of the cave, where a small silhouette could be seen curled up on the sand.

Frank. Mikey had not spoken to Frank since their last fight, where Frank had caught Mikey sneaking food to Gerard. However Ray had kept watch for quite some time, and Mikey knew it was his turn to sit outside, while Ray got some well-deserved rest.

Mikey frowned and leaned over Gerard, wiping some strands of cherry red hair from his face. "I have to go keep watch now, okay? Ray's going to stay with you."

No response. Mikey waited for a little bit longer before giving up and walking to the cavern opening.

He sat a rather far distance from Frank, as he did not know whether or not Frank wanted to speak to him. Sure enough, Frank avoided eye contact for some time.

They sat in an awkward silence for a while before Mikey finally spoke up, no longer able to handle the tension.

"Hey, sooo..." Mikey trailed off, slightly regretting having even started. Frank turned his head to him, waiting for Mikey to continue. "...that song you were singing earlier. To Gerard. What song was that?"

If it was not so dark out, Mikey would have seen Frank blush slightly. Frank hadn't though anyone had heard him over Gerard's screaming.

"It was Oh No! by Marina And The diamonds. Wasn't the most appropriate song for the moment, but it's a song we both like." Frank shrugged. "I couldn't really think of what else to do."

"Well, I think you did calm him down a bit. I'm sure he appreciates it." Mikey nodded, "I have to say I'm a bit surprised. I thought you were upset at Gerard."

"I was never mad at Gerard. Just you." Frank said bluntly. Mikey winced at the direct mannerism that was classic Frank Iero.

"...I'm sorry for what I did." Mikey hung his head. "It wasn't right of me to lie, and I know that. I just... I just wanted to save Gee so bad, you know? I saw how weak he was getting, and it scared me. I kept thinking, what if he doesn't make it? I don't know if I could go on through life without him. If he doesn't make it, I don't think that I can either..."

"Yes you can, Mikey." Frank said in a stern voice. "I'm sure Gerard would tell you the same thing."

"You don't know that." Mikey argued.

"A few years ago, I would have doubted it maybe." Said Frank, "But you really need to give yourself more credit. I mean look at how you've grown. Seeing you now, I'm absolutely sure you can take the world head on, all on your own. You don't need Gerard, or me, or Ray, or anyone. You ARE strong enough."

Mikey only shook his head. He wanted to believe the words Frank was telling him, but doubt stirred at the pit of his stomach. Quite frankly, the world seemed like a big, scary place without Gerard by his side. He would never know what to do, because he had never been without him before.

Frank stared at Mikey for a while, but he stayed quiet for some time after that. He could see by his eyes that he was lost in thought. Frank turned away and left him to contemplate, beginning to do some contemplating of his own.

He missed Jamia and his babies so much, it was like having some constant bad stomachache. True, the guys always spent long periods away from their families, being on tour all the time. Yet even then, they would all always make sure to give their wives a phone call or talk through some form of web chat every single day. Just to let them know that they were still there, and that they were doing okay. Frank had no idea how Jamia was, but he certainly was not okay.

What if they never made it back?

Frank thought of Cherry and Lily. If he failed in coming back to them, he would be condemning them to life without never really knowing their father. While many people nowadays had a single parent upbringing, Frank knew that the statistics did not make it any more difficult. His own mother had died of leukemia when he was young, and he had been deprived of ever knowing her. It created frustration in him from time to time, even if he knew it was not her fault. His father would often describe his mom as a wonderful person. Suddenly, Frank had the image of Jamia sitting on the couch, with Cherry and Lily both on her lap. She showed them a picture of him, and told them, "Your father was a great man, who had a very kind heart. He loved music, and played guitar very well. And he loved you both very, very much."

Tears welled up in Frank's eyes, and looked away even though he knew Mikey would not be able to see him cry in the darkness. Just like Frank had not been able to see that Mikey was silently crying too.

They both sat, one concerned about letting go of the past; the other, worried about an uncertain future. And then finally, something snapped them both out of their contemplative states. Mikey and Frank both looked up at the black canvas that was the night sky simultaneously.

It had begun to rain. ☔️