The next morning wasn't so great. Sarah was sleeping next to me and I was getting uncomfortable.
I slowly got out of bed, grabbed my phone, and sat outside. I checked the time. 2:38 a.m. It's been like this for a while now. I can't sleep. I usually text Spence, but this time it's different. I feel lonely and isolated. I decide to call Ryan.
"Hello?" He asks in a sleepy voice.
"It's Brendon. Can I come over? Now?"
"Yeah, yeah. Of course."
"I'll see you in a little bit. Bye."
"Bye, Bren."
I go back in the house and make sure Sarah is still sleeping. I take the keys and head to Ryan's house. Once I arrive, he's outside in blue boxers, rubbing his eyes.
I smile and walk to the bench he's sitting on.
"What's up?" He asks.
I haven't seen him in a long time, but I know that he didn't have dark bags under his eyes last time we hung out.
"I couldn't sleep. Sarah cheated on me with Jon. I don't know what to do. But are you ok? You don't look too hot."
"Don't worry about me, Bren. So about Sarah. Tell me more."
"She said she didn't tell me because she needed time to think about what she'd done even though i knew already. I don't think she loves me anymore."
Ryan sighed. "If she cheated on you, I don't think she loves you very much."
I didn't notice, but I started crying.
"We've been together for so many years," I sobbed, "w-why?"
Ryan pulled me into a side hug and rubbed my arm. "I don't know, Bren. I don't know."
We sat there for a while until he suggested I stay the night. I agreed and he put me in his guest bedroom. I thanked him and just plopped on the bed.
Me: I'm staying at Ryans house until later. I don't think you care, but just wanted to let you know.
Read 3:56
I immediatley fell asleep when my head touched the pillow.
The smell of bacon woke me up around 12 p.m. I slowly pulled myself off of the bed and rubbed my eyes. I looked around and saw pictures of Ryan everywhere.
How did I end up in his room? I thought.
I heard two soft knocks on the door and Ryan's head pop through.
Ryan smiled. "Good. You're up. There's bacon and waffles in the kitchen if you want some."
"Ok." I managed to say even though I was still confused as to how I ended up in Ryan's bed.
I followed the aroma of bacon and maple syrup into the kitchen where Ryan was cooking some more bacon.
"How'd I end up in your room?" I asked him, grabbing a piece of bacon and popping it into my mouth.
He giggled. "You said you had a bad dream so you laid at the end of my bed."
I smiled but quickly frowned as i remembered the nightmare.
"What's wrong, Bren?" Ryan asked while he sat down to eat his breakfast.
"I remember the nightmare."
"Well, it's not real so let me hear it."
"Ok," I started, unsure if i should tell him, "I was walking down Donald Street and I saw you. You were tied to a tree and gave me a crooked smile. Sarah came behind you and...she..."
I couldn't get the words out so I just looked down at the stove as I piled waffles and bacon on it.
"It's okay, Bren. I'm alive and you're alive so we're good."
The rest of breakfast was talk about how our lives have been and if he was going to join Panic! again.
"I don't know," He replied cautiously when I asked him about it, "I left because I felt like we weren't going in the direction I wanted us to go in. It was selfish and I'm scared I might do it again."
"I don't care. We'll work things out next time it happens."
"Maybe. Give me some time."
"Alright."
He washed the dishes and we both sat on the couch in his living room. He's been living in the same place with the same things for almost 3 years now. I wasn't surprised though. Ryan doesn't really like new things.
"So," Ryan said, interrupting the silence, "when are ya planning to go back home?"
"I don't know," I answered.
He nodded and turned on a movie.
I smiled. "The Shawshank Redemption. Great movie."
"I know."
In the middle of the movie, i looked over and Ryan was sleeping. He looked peaceful, but worried. I studied his facial features and also noticed his soft lips. I guess he still the same chapstick he did 3 years ago too.
I wonder what his lips taste like, I thought to myself.
I quickly shook my head and got the idea out of my mind. I'm not gay. I don't like other men. I like girls and the way they kiss and touch. I wonder what a guys touch would feel like. I shook my head again and finished watching the movie with the guilt of possibly liking my best friend.
