My Gangster Girl and Me.

Chapter 37

Liam's P.O.V.

"I am always right!" she pushed her shoulder against mine in a bump, which kinda hurt.

"Mostly. There is a difference." I retort, not really finding a good point to argue on neither could I actually find my resolve to concentrate on the argument.

She was close.

Really close.

Have you ever been so close to someone and your surrounded an invisible silence, a silence so strong that you can almost hear the heartbeat of the person next to you. Then you realize that the only thing that you can really feel was the slow, steady thud. You can feel your heartbeat calming down until both your heartbeats match?

That does not happen in real life.

Its just a cliché.

Well, suck it up because when you are sitting really close to that one person, you really do notice that little rise and fall of their chest, the way the light falls on their hair making it look darker in some places and lighter in some and how all you can think about it that person next to you and the rest is just a really pointless blur of things.

Her eyes were stuck to the white sheets over our heads but it had that far away look and I could tell that even though she was right there, she wasn't.

"What are you thinking about?" my voice was low and somehow the tone had turned quite serious as compared to the banter that was going on just a few minutes ago.

She turned her head slightly until her eyes met mine.

It was really blank, too blank, an unnatural kind of a blank.

"Nothing." she whispered, eyes drifting off to the sheets once more.

It was warm, warmer than the outside I guess. One reason might be that we had been in here for about a good couple of hours now. Another reason would be that while this time, we'd somehow managed to slip into a comfortable position with my side pressing into hers. It was quite warm.

"You know that you can't really lie to me." I whispered back. "Especially not when you are so close to me."

I could feel her gaze lock to the side of my face for a second before flitting back away, then there was a low sigh while she shifted around, shuffling just a little bit more into my side. It was just our the small sound of our breathing for a minute or two while, I guess, she made a decision.

"I really wanted to run away." her voice was low but I could hear the heaviness in it.

It took me some time to process her words. I knew that she wasn't lying, her voice was frank enough and I didn't have one doubt in them now that I was hearing it. Although, what I didn't understand is why.

"I don't understand." I replied, not wanting to deliberate on this new found information by myself for the fear of jumping to the wrong conclusions.

Another silence, a longer one this time.

My head was spinning with unvoiced reasons as I tried to push it away into the back of my head, waiting patiently for Alex to speak. I couldn't bring myself to get my hopes high when clear reason told me that I wasn't - and would probably never be - the reason for her statement.

"Because," she sighed, "I am done with this shit."

Her gaze falls on me as I wait for her to continue to explain herself further.

"Do you know what it feels like to wake up every morning and wonder if I'd have to shoot a person through the head that day?" she deadpanned, the seriousness of her words and her tone caught me right in the gut. "Do you know what it feels like to wake up and know that you were possibly going to push someone one step closer to death by selling them a packet of shit?"