What Is Love

Chapter 1

This story is dedicated to my best friend, abby378, because she really likes this pairing after a story we both recently read.

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Sehun's POV

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"Hey now," I heard above me, but couldn't bring myself to actually acknowledge. "It's alright Sehun." Baekhyun tried to sound as reassuring as possible. I sniffed, burying my face in my pillow once again. I heard a sigh.

"Luhan was a jerk anyway," Chanyeol mumbled. I heard a small agreement from Baek, and I couldn't help but chuckle to myself. Chanyeol and Baekhyun were friends far longer than anyone else. "We should've known that though."

"Stop," I said quietly, and they both froze. "Stop talking about him like that." I clamped my hands over my ears. "I don't want to hear you talking about him like that." I screwed my eyes shut. "Please..." I felt a hand on my shoulder, but I didn't dare look up. Despite everything that has happened, despite all the pain I was going through, I couldn't bear it when I heard them talk of Luhan this way. Because I still loved him, and because it wasn't like he was totally the bad guy here.

I mean, yes, he had broken up with me. But he'd called me, told me to meet him, and then actually explained himself and why he was doing what he was doing. He said he loved me, in fact he still did, but he was no longer in love with me. And he didn't want to keep me from someone who could love me the way I deserved (in his own words, not mine). But he seemed to miss one tiny problem. And that was the fact I was in love with him. Head over heels in love with him. I had been since we were young teenagers. For me, there was no other person than Luhan.

Three years. That was how long we'd been together. Two weeks ago was our anniversary actually. We'd gone out to dinner, exchanged gifts and kisses and words, and basically had the night of our lives. Or so I'd thought. Luhan admitted to feeling this way for awhile, he was just never sure how to bring it up to me. My only solace through this whole thing was that he didn't have anyone else. No did he seem to want anyone else.

But fuck it hurt. It hurt so bad. My whole life revolved around Luhan. It was always Sehun and Luhan. I didn't know another way to be. What the hell would I do now? I'd just have to get used to being just Sehun, lost in a big world without his other half. I'd have to find a new purpose, because my purpose before had been Luhan.

Finally, I heard my two friends move off, talking quietly to themselves. I appreciated their efforts, I really did. But I just wanted to be alone. Especially when all they wanted to do was bash Luhan, when I didn't even do that. I couldn't do that. I loved him. I still did. And I hated that about myself. I wanted to be furious with him for letting me waste three years of my life on him. I wanted to scream and hit things and go on rampages. I wanted so bad to hate the person that broke my heart, but I couldn't. Because he'd done nothing to deserve that kind of treatment, other than leaving me brokenhearted. But even then, he'd been so sweet, saying he'd keep in touch, saying he was sorry and how he wished me the very best.

I'd give him one thing, he'd stayed true to his word. Every Thursday night, he'd call and we'd chat a bit, never delving too far into a topic. He seemed to be doing well for himself. Why Thursdays? I wasn't sure if he even realized his accidental choosing of days, but I did. Thursdays were date nights for us, late enough in the week to be considered special but not on a day where we'd be overwhelmed with crowds. Thursday was the day we fucking met, running into each other on the way to our first day of sixth grade. So I'd come to both love and loath Thursdays. Because it was the day that Luhan called. The day where I pretended I was normal for an hour or so while we talked about everything and nothing. The day that I spent hovering near my phone, waiting for that all too familiar number to light up my screen.