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Chapter Four - Watermelons and Ass Huggers

The next morning I woke up feeling energetic. So energetic that I ran out of the room in my pajamas yelling "WOOOOOOT IMA WATERMELOOOOOON!"

When I turned the corner I ran smack into a short leprechaun. I note that on my butt we were the same height. "Hello, moon of my life." He says and I smack his face.

"Stop with the retarded lord of the rings pickup line bullcrap." I say and get up.

"It's game of thrones." Ginger protests.

"Same fracking difference."

Ginger gasps and puts his hand to his heart, but I don't notice. My memory goes back to the shit that went down last night and I groan.

"Crap, I have to plan the god of wars birthday party by the summer solstice!" I cry and realize I know almost nothing of my mother's boyfriend thing. I'd never met the guy. And she never threw parties for her real husband, Hephaestus.  I really tried not to dwell on the god's relationships too much, because when you do you find out disturbing things. Like I was the granddaughter of Uranus' genitals or Mussle and Bailey were technically cousins. Ew.

"My dad is Apollo, I could get a band for you."

"Nah, I was going to use Blueson for that. You can do the party lights. Have fun." I say and run down the stairs. Weird how Ginger and Blueson were both created by the same sperm. Blueson was so.... That. And Ginger was so.... Ew.

It was three o'clock, so I had a couple hours before meeting mah peeps at the club. I'd been dying to go to the zoo to watch the monkeys rape each other,  but I really wanted to get this quest over with. I sat down and took out my diary and mapped out everyhting.

After about five minutes of some intense planning, I decide that's enough for today. Wouldn't want to over work myself.

Walking back up the stairs, I suddenly feel a hand on my shoulder. Naturally, I shreak at the top of my lungs and karate chop the culprit's arm. He then falls down and I fall down on top of him, pinning his arms. Not to brag, but I took a little karate a couple years ago. Still had it.

Looking down, I see a familer face. It was the dude who I embarrased yesterday in the cafeteria. "Oh. It's just you." I mumble and get up. I'd been anticipating a real threat.

He looked kind of peralyzed lying there, so I kicked his face and started climbing up again. When I reached my room he caught up with me and I may or may not have done a little prayer to Artemis asking her to shoot this dude's foot. He was kind of getting on my nerves and he hadn't even said anything yet.

"Hey! Wait up!" He said and blocked the door. "I need to talk to you!"

I could have easily killed him on the spot, but decide against it. I really didn't want to end up in prison again. The food was terrible.

"What?" I demand.

He looks kind of constipated for a second. "Uh, well, I don't really know. I guess I wanted an explanation for yesterday. What was all that?"

I sigh inwardly. Seriously? I had a winged dog to cook and he was wasting my time asking stupid questions like they weren’t obvious. "I was messing with you, bro. Take a joke."

"But now my friend Trek is on my ass and won't get off!" He yells and throws his arms in the air. "Literally!" He turns around and I realize for the first time there was someone behind him. How had I not noticed that? A muscular black dude had his arms around what’s-his-faces waist and a broad smile on his face.

"Hehehehehehehe."

Ok, that's really creepy.

I stare at it for a few awkward seconds and then punch his jaw. It must have been pretty damn hard because one of his teeth fell out into my hand and I put it into my pocket. Another one to add to my collection.