Take The Heart I Never Wanted to Give

21

The group sat outside of the medical wing doors for what felt like hours. Only about 45 minutes had passed since they got there, but time began to feel warped to the point where minutes felt like hours and hours felt days.

Castiel was the only one fighting to stay awake, the others asleep on the floor or resting on his shoulders; his eyelids kept fluttering shut and snapping open, a stubborn attempt to bat away the tendrils of sleep that tugged roughly at his conscious.

The sound of the door creaking open fully awakened him and the rest of his adopted family. Adonis peaked his head out fully to see seven pairs of eyes staring at him intently.

"Is he alright?" Castiel asked immediately.

"How is he?" Sam asked immediately afterwards. The others began to join in, anxiously asking about the status of Dean.

"Guys, guys!" Adonis exclaimed calmly. "He's fine." The group in front of him sighed in relief, quickly embracing one another. "He's a bit out of it though." Adonis continued, a smile of his own appearing on his lips, "Ellen gave him a bunch of crushed up turmeric root to help the pain so he won't be super lucid. You can go seen him though."

Before they could all scramble into the room at once, Adonis quickly held up his hand, a stern but amused look on his face. "One at a time through the door like civilized people, please."

They all looked sheepish and nodded.

"Go ahead and go Cas. We'll be behind you." Sam said gently.

Castiel nodded, stepping through the doors, a pit of unease settling in his stomach. He looked around the large room, several large beds lined up against either side of the cream colored walls, rows and rows of carefully placed medical supplies against the very back of the room. Ellen, the nurse/doctor, spotted him and motioned towards the back of the room with a slight smile , her attention focused solely on the  medical supplies in her hands. Castiel immediately located the bed towards the back that held Dean.

He walked briskly towards Dean's bed the pit of unease in his stomach shrinking but not quite disappearing. Castiel stopped by the foot of the bed, noticing that Dean was asleep, taking a moment to take in Dean's appearance. He wasn't frighteningly pale anymore, but the natural light tan color of his skin that contrasted beautifully against his light dusting of freckles hadn't quite returned. He winced when he noticed the dark circles around his eyes as well as the bandages on his wrists and soles of his feet. Cautiously, Castiel moved closer, sitting in a wooden chair that was placed next to his bed, and reached up a tentative hand up to brush back the strands of hair that fell across Dean forehead. Dean stirred slightly, moving his head towards Castiel's hand. His eyes fluttered open slowly, familiar emerald irises looking at him.

A small tired smile appeared on his lips, the action making Castiel's heart quicken and thump loudly in his chest.

"Hey, Cas." Dean said tiredly, a slight rasp in his voice.

"Hello, Dean." Cas said almost breathlessly, words threatening to fail him complete. "How...how do you feel?"

Dean let out a throaty chuckle, his face briefly scrunching up in pain before letting out a much gentler one. "To be honest? I feel like shit. But the stuff  Ellen gave me is working. She's a miracle worker." He shifted his hand further down over his side, pulling back the robe. Anger slowly bubbled up in his throat at seeing the row of 9 sutures that pierced into red and raw skin. It stood out drastically against his light tan skin. It didn't belong there. Castiel reached out with his finger tips pausing just over the skin, looking up at Dean for permission. Dean gave a slight shrug and nodded. Castiel grazed his finger tips lightly on the skin around the sutures, anger and guilt swarming his thoughts. If he had just been quicker.

Dean must have smelled it on him, his eyebrows furrowed, lips twisting downward in a concerned frown. He reached for Cas' hand squeezing it gently. "Cas?"

Castiel couldn't meet his eyes, blue orbs trained firmly on the marble floor. "I'm sorry." He whispered.

Dean sat up immediately, worry of his own beginning to develop. "Cas, what the hell are you talking about, sorry for what?"

Castiel sighed shakily and grabbed Dean's hand with both of his own, squeezing harder. "I didn't get there fast enough. I couldn't keep Alastair from...from doing <i>that</i> to you. I couldn't keep you from getting shot. I didn't..." he trailed off, eyes misting over but no tears were formed, "I didn't protect you."

"Shut up." Dean snapped lightly. Dean gently grabbed Castiel's chin, forcing the youngest Novak to look at him, green eyes shining earnestly. "I don't wanna here any of that bullshit. Any of it, you here me? You saved my life, Cas. I'm alive because of you. How is that not protecting me?"

"You got hurt." Castiel argued weakly, "Alastair—"

"Is a piece of shit who got exactly what he deserved." Dean interrupted him. "And me getting hurt? Cas, things <i>happen.</i> I was bound to get hurt, especially in the fucked up situation I was in, but none of that is your <i>fault</i>. Never for one second think that it was."

Dean leaned forward slightly, minding his sutures and rested his forehead against Castiel's, eyes fluttering shut. "I didn't get a chance to say this to you, back in the forest, but...I love you. Please don't forget that."

Castiel shivered, the words washing over him like a warm spring. He lifted his hands and placed on either side of Dean's stubbled cheek. "I love you too. So, so much."

"We'll get through this, okay? All of us." Dean murmured into his hair.

There was a tentative knock on the door, the two looked up to see their family peaking inside bright smiles on their lips. Dean smiled back and waved them over. Sam got there first, Gabriel not far behind. Sam maneuvered his way past Castiel and gave his brother a gentle but firm hug, sitting himself at the foot of the bed, Gabriel sitting behind him. The others followed suit in giving Dean tight hugs, including Crevan and Valerie.

"Hey Sammy."

"Hey yourself." Sam shot back with no heat in his tone. "How d'you feel?"

"Like I got shot." Dean said with a tired smirk. "But Ellen put me on that turmeric root stuff and it's working like a charm."

Sam nodded a tense smile briefly appearing on his face before it was replaced with a frown, his bottom lip wobbling ever so slightly. Dean caught the action, his eyes softening sadly. "Aw, Sammy, come here." He said gently.

Sam leaned forward immediately, burying his face in the crook of Dean's neck, silent tears streaming down his face.

"We didn't know...you were hurt, I thought—"

Dean wrapped his arms around his little brother's neck, hands coming up to card gently through his long hair. "It's okay, Sam. I'm fine. It'll be okay."

Gabriel scooted further up the bed, his hand rubbing gently up and down Sam's spine. Sam lifted himself from away from Dean, looking down at Gabriel with red, teary eyes before gently wrapping the smaller man into his arms. Gabriel pulled the taller man closer to his body, his neck straining to rest on Sam's shoulder. He caught Dean's gaze, a look that simply said "Look after him." Gabriel nodded in silent understanding.

The group sat there together, Adonis joining them at some point, relishing quietly in one another's comfort.

A loud cough coming from the door alerted the group, all of them looking up to see King John Winchester lingering almost awkwardly between the half opened doors.

"May I come in?"