Take The Heart I Never Wanted to Give

26

It was still late into the night as Dean and Castiel sat in comfortable silence within the late Mary Winchester's study. Dean's head was still pillowed in Cas' lap, unique green eyes fluttering open and shut as blunt finger nails and nimble fingers lightly massaged his scalp.

"It's late," Castiel murmured, "Do you wanna head to bed soon?"

Dean didn't answer, his eyes staring blankly ahead, frown lines appearing on his forehead and around his mouth.

"Dean?" Castiel repeated, eyes narrowing in concern.

Dean blinked slowly before looking up at Cas sideways, an apologetic grin on his face. "I...sorry. Got a little lost in my head there for a moment."

Castiel looked down at the green eyed man before staring out the window, pale moonlight turning his deep blue eyes a milky blue color. "What were you thinking about?" Castiel pushed.

Dean remained uncharacteristically silent for a brief moment before speaking. "How disappointed I'll be if all this is all fever dream." He said absently.

Castiel's strokes faltered, a struck expression appearing on his face, but he didn't dare utter a word.

"I know...realistically...that I'm awake, that you're here, that Sam's safe, and so is everyone else I love," Dean continued, "but...that annoying, little nagging voice in the back of my mind keeps wanting to convince me it's fake. That all this...isn't real. That <i>you're </i> not real." He lets out a small broken laugh, a bitter smile on his lips. "And that scares the shit out of me, Cas." His voice breaks on Castiel's name. He turns slightly so his eyes are focused on Castiel's, unshed tears glistening in his eyes. "I don't wanna wake up with Alastair looming over me. I don't wanna wake up in that fucking cave. I don't wanna wake up to everything back they way it was. I don't...I don't wanna wake up scared. Just..." He trails off and sucks in a harsh breath.

"Just what, Dean?" Castiel asked gently. He wished desperately he had the ability to chase away Dean's dark thoughts and nagging fears. The man had been through too much as it was. He wanted Dean to know that he was real. That he wouldn't leave.

"Just...just promise you'll stay," He pleaded, "Promise that this is all real. Promise...promise you won't go away when I wake up."

Castiel's eyes softened in sadness and gave a small nod. "I promise, Dean." He leant down and lightly kissed the man's forehead, chapped lips lingering there a moment longer. "I promise I'll stay forever. I'll stay until you tell me to leave."

Dean let out a small, tired chuckle, eyes closed and his body lax against Castiel's. "Why would ever tell one of the greatest things to happen to me to leave?"

Before Castiel could even muster a reply, a light snore spilled from Dean's lips, indicating the taller male had fallen asleep. Castiel gave him a watery smile and carefully removed himself from under Dean's head. Gingerly, he gathered the omega in his arms bridal, grunting quietly as he adjusted Dean in his arms. He walked slowly up to Dean's room, careful not to jostle the exhausted man in his arms. He opened the door, closing it behind him, and set Dean on top of the bed briefly so he could pull the covers back and fix his pillow. After deeming that the bed was comfortable enough, Castiel manhandled Dean under the covers pulling them up to his neck. Castiel began to climb into bed, stopping when the smell of his own skin wafted up to his nose, reminding him just how desperately he needed a shower. Shucking off his clothing, he hurried into Dean's shower, scrubbing the grime, blood, and sweat off of his skin and his hair, sighing appreciatively as his skin and scalp lost the itchy feeling that he had ignored until he knew Dean was safe. He shut the shower off after 15 minutes, drying off as best he could and as quickly as he could, his dark hair remaining slightly damp. He peeked outside the bathroom, checking to see if Dean was still. He nodded to himself when he saw that the omega was still out cold. He went back into the bathroom, the realization that he didn't have any clean clothes up here hitting him suddenly. Not wanting to leave Dean unless necessary, he ravaged through Dean's clothes drawer for at least a pair of sweatpants, hoping he wouldn't mind in the morning. He finally found a pair of black faded sweatpants that fit surprising snug against his hips. With exhaustion finally working away at the adrenaline that had vibrated violently through his body, he climbed into the bed, shifting Dean over slightly. He grabbed a pillow and shoved it haphazardly behind his back so he could sit up right. He gently placed Dean's head in his lap, and began carding nimble fingers and blunt fingernails through dirty blonde locks. The light, rhythmic breathing of Dean eventually eradicated any energy or anxiety that had settled deep in his bones, the blue eyed alpha's movements becoming slower until sleep eventually claimed his body and rendered him immobile until morning,