Scars from the Darkness

↬ｔｗｏ

I've been skipping out on school for at least two weeks now. From the constant taunting and how badly they beat me , the reality dawned on me that I still have almost nine months of torture and ridicule. So I just stay the coward I am, and I sit in this house twenty four hours a day, and avoid my war at school to  just  to deal with the battle at home.

But to avoid suspension from my school district, I sent a letter acting as if I'm my aunt basically saying I'll be out of school for three-four weeks with health problems, and without farther question they sent me all my work and excused all my absent days. Now, I just spend my time sitting on the roof doing school-work. Not because I want to though but because it helps me. It keeps my mind off things that start to trigger my paranoia or anxiety so I won't go to my usually treatments of relief. It's my symbolic 'help' I've hadn't had for about four years.

But it's the only things going though my mind 24/7. I've been secluded in these thoughts for days. I can feel my anxiety and paranoia engulfing me then piled on by how others hate me and I hate myself.

I can't live like this anymore!

My horror's voice, is building up inside me. Making me feel scared and overwhelmed. I can feel it taking over every cell of my body, from the tips of my toes to the top of my head, stretching out to my fingertips. Every pore of my body is alive with it. I want it gone. I cannot stand it. I need it gone! That's when I see it, the soft glisten of a dinner knife on my nightstand. Without even knowing it I reach out and grasp it between my fingers, twisting and twirling it. I need to get it out, Placing the knife against my skin I apply great pressure to the blunt knife. Pain erupts through me but fear is too strong, I can still feel it. Dragging the blade along my skin, a red line appears and quickly blood begins to ooze out of the cut, and with it the fear begins too ooze out of my body and relief takes over.

"This isn't enough." My subconscious harshly reminds me but she's right it won't.

I reach over the night stand once again, sliding open the single drawer. I reach in grabbing one of the many pills bottles virtually trying to rip it open. I go crazy once I get in it, I just start pouring the  pills into my small hand just throwing them in my mouth back to back not caring about the number I've taking. It kicks in faster than ever like my body knew who badly my mind needed it. My nerve are calm and I feel nothing consuming inside me. I can almost tangibly feel my body almost floating and my head swirling delightfully. 

*                                        *                                        *

I sit up and my vision is blurred I blink a few times until I can see clearly. There is zero light from outside my bedroom window and there a deep red blood pool from where my right arm rested. I get up from my bed slowly but once I stand I immediately dizzy. I fumble to the floor and just lay there until I'm sure I can get back up. I make my walk to the bathroom. I wrap my arm and in the mirror I see a girl with pale skin, tattered face, mascara stained face and sorrow writing all over her face.

Oh yeah...that's me

I shake off my pity party and go done stairs to check on my aunt to see if she hasn't choked on her vomit in the last few days. 

She's sitting up on the couch slightly sober. Not by choice of choice though she probably just ran out. 

She just gives me an apathetic look as I go to the kitchen and open the fridge. We don't have anything of course and shortly after I close it there's a loud shattering caused close range to my head, causing me to scream as the glass of a clear bottle fall to my feet. 

"It's your fault I'm like this!" She exclaims as she throws the second liquor bottle at me and I dodge it.

I try to compose myself for her next actions then in a light calm voice  "I didn't do anything to you"