Halcyon

Chapter 5

She's been anxious lately, trying to make me use the box to right the wrong more often the usual. Her nervous energy seeps off her and it gets into my body and makes me shake, what is she doing?
"Esme honey," she speaks in a calm manner but I can tell she's worried, "you need to get in the box".
I start to protest, my body aches from being in there twice already today, I sit on the edge of my recently obtained bed and try to savour the last few minutes with the blanket still warm.
"Ok mama" I give in to her and stand up, ignoring my screaming muscles and throbbing headache that show me I shouldn't be doing this. One last time for the day couldn't hurt, could it?

***

I breathe a sigh of relief. I can't wait to get out of the box and sleep. And keeping my eyes closed I reach to push the box open. Why won't it open? I open my eyes and start to panic. Shoving my body upward I push against the hinged door, trying to open it when clearly I'm not strong enough. My breathing speeds up along with my heart rate. I feel my feet and hands go numb with the anxiety flowing through my veins, the hard surface of the box pressing against my body and trapping me. Is this what it feels like to be buried alive?

I call out into the darkness for her, "Mama help please!". My words bounce off the walls of the box centimetres away from my nose and come back to me louder than I thought. I try to recoil but there's nowhere to go.

And that's when I hear it, tap tap tap. A slow rhythmic tapping coming from somewhere near my head. Tap tap tap. It sounds like water slowly dripping from a tap into a sink. Tap tap tap. The noise slowly gets into my brain and makes me feel like crying. Tap tap tap. It feels like it's speeding up. The continuous tapping that will never stop. My breathing speeds up. And then it just all falls silent.
No tapping, no shouts echoing back at me. Just the sound of my own breathing.

Just me, Esme, trapped alone in the box waiting for my hero to come on his white glowing horse to ride away with me off into the sunset.

***

"Esme it's all going to be ok don't worry sweety everything this going to be ok. Isn't it? Yes it is? Now I think it is dinner time, yes would you like some dinner?"

She's sat rocking back and forth on the floor opposite me. Ever since finding me unconscious in the box a week ago something has been on her mind and she's not ok. She's the only person I've ever known, I can't remember anything about what is up those stairs. I call her mama because that's what she is to me, without her I'd be long dead so I'm grateful. My longing to know what's up those stairs has kept me going I guess, or the fact that the box can place me anywhere in time or anywhere I can make up.

I've thought about imagining myself in the room when I'm in the box, maybe I can unlock the door and walk upstairs and see for myself what is up there. But that's too risky, she'll see what I'm doing and get me out the box, maybe starve me for a few days. I'm not going to let that happen again.

"Bad bad man wants to search house. Esme dear, I don't know what to do. He can't find our little secret it is our secret, wouldn't be fun if he knew too." She's not been sleeping and I can tell. One year of spending time with her and even the littlest of mood swings I can sense, some days I can just tell her mood by how she comes down the stairs. But what if this man could help me out of this place, I could get some help for ma as she is clearly not well, she's not going to let him down here though or me up there.

"Why can't he come in Ma?" I carefully ask her, hoping not to upset her further. But all she does is stand up and scuttle out the room, talking to herself as she does so.

***

She's coming down the stairs and I count along with her footsteps as she carries my food tray down to me. Opening the door she edges into the room and places my plate on the top of the box, turns round and scampers back out. I stand up quickly and dart over to the box to retrieve my plate and glass of milk. That isn't food. Thats an animal of some sort. I prod it, terrified of the mouth that is hanging slightly open. "Hey little guy... are you ok?" Talking soothingly to the him I pick him up and take him over to my mattress and find my blanket and wrap him up. He's a kitten, that's what he is. All skin and bones with no meat on his body. Ma must really be loosing her mind if she thinks he's food.

I stroke my hand along his tiny little head and down his body, caressing his ginger fur. "I'm going to call you Karif," I tell him softly "And if I ever get to go out and see the autumn leaves that fall when I'm in the box, I will make sure you survive long enough to be by my side".

I walk over to where the plate was left and pick of the small glass of milk, I tip some of the liquid onto it and leave it next to Karif then I sit back against my pillow and fall into sleep with the calming sound of his rhythmic purrs filling my head.

***

Ok so this is a picture of Karif. She tells him about the autumn because that is what his name means x