How (thanks to Gabriel) Dean and Castiel raised each other (and Sam)

Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

It was safe to say that Sam, Dean and Castiel were all equally scarred by the birds and the bees talk.

"So. Sammy, you're....well, you're not a man because you're like three feet tall and listen to Britney Spears, but whatever, close enough." Dean rubbed at the stubble that had begun to grow regularly on his jawline. "So. You're a pintsize dude, sort of and that means that. Uh..."

"Um." Sam looked at Dean and then at Castiel. "Is this going somewhere?"

"Your father has charged Dean with ensuring you do not accidentally impregnate a classmate." Castiel said helpfully. "Or become infected with venereal disease."

"What?" Sam's voice cracked, squeaking back up to its former soprano glory.

"Look, you know what sex is right?" Dean barged on ahead.

"You explained it to me pretty graphically when I was like six." Sam was turning a brilliant shade of scarlet and apparently trying to become one with couch cushion. "Man parts go in the lady parts, I'm good!"

"But you have to be safe." Dean said gamely, fishing in his jacket to toss a box of condoms that hit Sam on the head and fell into his lap. All three of them stared at the box. "Pinch the tip, roll down."

"Right." Sam squeaked again. "Right, yeah."

"Uh. And it's normal to want to jerk it like every five minutes." Dean looked at Castiel, flushed and dropped his gaze to the coffee table. "And grow hair in weird places. I think that covers it, right? Questions, comments?"

"Um." Sam poked at the box as if it might bite him. "Sometimes, I think about guys. Is that normal?"

Dean made some kind of hurt, choked noise and for a moment, Castiel thought he might actually be in pain.

"It is." Castiel confirmed when Dean didn't answer. "Human sexuality is far more fluid than any of you cares to admit. As far as I am aware, my Father doesn't have any opinions on it. Societal opinion may tell you otherwise."

"What about angels?" Sam clearly did not want to look Castiel in the eye, but if he stared down into his lap as he generally preferred then he had to look at the condoms. If he looked straight ahead, he had to look at Dean's still alarmed face. His gaze trained on ceiling.

"Angels are sexless." Castiel said carefully. "We do not procreate."

"But your body is male." Sam blurted.

"Yes, it is. But I am not this body. My true form is...inconceivable to human minds."

"But when you're in that body you could-"

"Stop." Dean said very firmly. "Just stop Sam."

"I don't mind." Castiel looked up at the ceiling as well. It had a crack in it with the first suggestion of mold gathering around it. "Yes. I can have sex in this body if I so choose. No, I have not as of yet nor do I have any particular plans to do so."

"Does this mean I have to give you The Talk too?" Dean asked, choked again.

"I have watched humanity since the dawn of time." Castiel sunk his hands into the pockets of his sweatshirt, rubbing a thumb over the fuzzy lining. "There is no mystery in sexuality for me."

"Right." Dean rubbed a hand over his face. "Except last week you almost stabbed yourself in the face trying to open a blister pack."

"I do not understand why they would wrap scissors in something one needs scissors to open." Castiel frowned. "I do not see what that has to do with discussing sex."

Dean started to say something, then stopped. He pointed a finger at Castiel, opened his mouth then closed it again. He turned to Sam, who was still studying the ceiling,

"You know what?" He finally choked out. "Watch porn. That'll just...take care of that. I'm going to go...not be here now."

"I'm not gay." Sam said quietly. "I was just...you know. Sometimes."

"Nope." Dean said firmly getting to his feet. "Let's do that crisis some other time. Rain check on your sexual identity meltdown."

"Dean." Castiel stared at him until Dean groaned.

"Fine." Dean looked at Sam and said very quickly, "I love you no matter what, it's totally normal and I'm not judging you. Ok?"

"Ok." Sam squeaked.

"Ok." Dean said again and ran for the door as if they might pursue him.

"I don't understand. Normally Dean is quite candid about sex."

"Only in when he thinks he's supposed to be." Sam tossed the box on the coffee table. "Anyway, it's weird with family or something. I don't know. You should probably go make sure he isn't going to explode with feelings."

"What about you?"

"I need to be alone." Sam declared, the scarlet shade returning.

"...as you wish." Castiel didn't bother flying. Dean was just outside laying out in a strip of sunny grass with sunglasses resting precariously over his closed eyes. He didn't react as Castiel lay down beside him.

"God really doesn't care?" Dean asked after a long time.

"I would not lie to you about Him."

"My Dad cares." Dean didn't move.

"He loves you." Castiel reached across the grass to grasp Dean's hand.

"Don't get mushy." Dean grabbed back though, their hands locked together. "I just want him to be proud of me, you know?"

"If he isn't proud of the man you are becoming, then he is a fool." Castiel said firmly.

Dean turned his head to look at Castiel, the sunglasses sliding down his nose,

"Why do you hang out with us?"

Castiel traced back the conversation, attempting to understand where that question had come from.

"Do you wish I would not?" He asked tentatively.

"No! It's not- just. What you said in there. You're older than dirt and you've seen everything. You could guard us just easily from some fluffy cloud or whatever battle you've gotten mixed up in. So why are you down here all the time?"

"Because I want to be."

Angels didn't want things. They followed orders. But the answer came to Castiel without thought. He wanted to lay beside Dean, spread out on a small patch of grass next to a ratty hotel on the way from nowhere to nowhere. Later, he wanted to sit at the rickety kitchen table as Sam and Dean ate macaroni and cheese while debating the relative merits of soccer and baseball. He wanted to visit Dean's dreams which had changed less over the years than Dean might believe. He wanted to take Sam to school in the morning and be waiting for him afterwards.

He wanted and he was afraid.

"Cas?" Dean had let go of his hand, turning up on an elbow to look at him.

"Angels do not want." He turned his face from the sun to look into Dean's wide eyes. "We do not desire. What if I fall?"

"Oh, man." Dean's expression melted from concern into a broad smile. "If you were going to fall for having petty human emotions it would have happened a long time ago. Anger alone. And don't think I don't know who steals my onion rings."

"It is not theft if you have abandoned them."

"Not the point. You've always felt stuff like that. As far back as I remember anyway."

"Not when we first met."

"Oh, totally when we first met. You just didn't talk about it. But I can always read you."

Dean dropped back into the grass, a little closer than he had been before. They watched the sun trip downward, the blue sky washed out into brilliant orange.

"If you fall," the whisper tickled over Castiel's ear and for a moment, he wasn't sure if it was Dean or the breeze, "you come straight to us. We'll take care of you."