White Wolf-BuckyXOC

Chapter 13

Catherine

I wake up in my bed, darkness consuming me and all of the blankets suffocating me. I throw them all off of me, only to relise I'm still naked. I close my eyes, the memories of the training room racing through my mind.

Losing control.

Attacking Bucky.

Collapsing in a sobbing mess.

The last thing I remember is Bucky telling me I'm not a monster then I passed out.

I walk through the darkness over to my closet. I walk in and grab undergarments, yoga pants, and a long sleeve shirt. I head to my bathroom, and turn on the shower. I stare at myself in the mirror, looking at the purple smudges underneath my eyes. I must have slept for a couple of hours, but I feel exhausted.

When steam starts filling the room, I climb into the shower, and just let the water pour over me, relaxing my muscles. I wash my body; washing away all the dirt and sweat making me feel trapped in my skin. I wash my hair quickly, and turn off the shower.

I step out, and wrap my body and hair in a towel. I quickly dry off, and get dressed. I pull my hair up into a bun, and brush my teeth, ridding it of the taste of metallic from biting Bucky's arm.

Bucky.

My thoughts go to him, wondering if he's okay. Does he hate me? Does he think I'm a monster? Will he ever speak to me again? What do the others think? Are they scared of me? Will they not trust me? I wouldn't trust myself if I was them.

So many thoughts fly through my mind, but I push them away, trying to keep myself calm. I finish up in the bathroom and head for my bedroom door. I walk quietly down the hall, not really knowing what time it is, and not wanting to wake Steve and Bucky. I walk past the living room and towards the elevator, but a dark shape I catch out of the corner of my eye has me stopping and going back to the living room.

I look through the darkness to see a man sitting infront of the window wall, looking out over the city. I instantly relax when I spot the light from outside reflecting off of metal, and I know it's Bucky. I walk over silently, and cautiously take a seat next to him.

"It's nice sometimes to just watch the city. Watching all the cars and the people going by, all of them caught up in their own worlds, oblivious to what really goes on in the world. But watching them gives me this calming sense." 

I say nothing, watching the cars go by. I look up to Bucky, and see that he's staring at me.

I look into his icy blue eyes, and see concern. Out of everything he can feel towards me, he feels concern. "Are you okay? What happened seemed to drain you," he says, running his hand through his hair that flops right back infront of his eyes. I can't help but think how handsome he looks with his hair over his eyes.

I shake my head, getting rid of my thoughts. "Yeah, I'm okay. How long was I out for?" I ask, my voice a meek whisper. "Two days." I look back up at Bucky, wondering if he's telling the truth. But the tone of his voice and the seriousness in his eyes tells me he is.

"After you passed out, I carried you out of the training room, and brought you to your room. I had Bruce come and check on you just to make sure you were okay. He said physically you were alright, but your body was just exhausted from you fighting to get control back," he says, looking out over the city.

"How are you? I know I got your arm and side pretty good," I ask, not looking at him but rather out over the city, scared what his reaction will be. "I'm fine, I was more concerned about you so I didn't get myself fixed up until I knew you were okay. Bruce stitched up my ribs where they were scratched and Tony fixed my arm. The bite was so hard that it broke some of the platelets and messed up some wiring, but all better now, see." Bucky rolls up his long sleeve and curls his hand into a fist, showing that it works.

"I'm sorry it happened, I should have been more careful not to let her take control." I look up to Bucky, but he still looks out over the city. "I understand. I still have nightmares from when I was tortured, and they're so bad sometimes that I actually start sleep walking and who ever gets close to me I try to kill. I've almost killed Steve twice because of that."

We're silent for a few minutes, enjoying each others company and looking over the city. "What's it like for you, not being in control of your body and you actions?" Bucky asks. I think for a moment, thinking of what it feels like.

"It feels like I'm trapped in a glass box. I can look out and see everything I do when I'm not in control. The only way for me to get back in control is to break the glass box. But it's hard to retake control. I've gone weeks to months without having control of my own body, and each time it's scary. I don't know what I'm going to do, where I'm going to go, or who I'm going to hurt. When I was with H.Y.D.R.A. the only way I would do my missions was if I wasn't in control. It was horrible, being able to see what I was doing, but knowing I had no say in it. The only reason I agreed to help to get rid of the threat was so I can help end H.Y.D.R.A."

Bucky is silent for a minute, taking in everything I just said. "You know I meant it, when I said you aren't a monster, and you should know it's true. None of us think you're a monster. Yes we're all a little shaken, I know you are to, but who wouldn't be? If anything what happened let us see what you are capable of."

I stay silent, letting what Bucky said beat away those dark thoughts, but some still linger.

"How do you know they won't hate me?" I ask, turning to look back up at him. He looks down at me, so many things swirling in his eyes. "I know because I don't hate you."