In The Confines Of Fear #MindOverMatterContest

Ad Astra Per Aspera

I've always been a quiet person, so if I lacked for words during conversation it wasn't anything to be worried about.
I always thought that was a good thing.
When I didn't want to be apart of a conversation, I could just smile politely and nobody would think anything of it.
I was about thirteen when it not only became second nature not to to speak, but it also bacame harder to lift the corners of my mouth into a smile. I wanted to speak, to open my mouth and say something; but words were hard to let out. I really wanted to smile, it just took more effort than I had.
The people I thought were my friends just slowly stopped taking to me, and I didn't know why. I realized later that they never really were my friends.
Suddenly silence wasn't so nice.
It became my only companion. I wasn't mute, I did talk, but it wasn't often.
The only person who I really could count on to make me smile and laugh was my baby brother. He was there everyday after school to fill up the silence with his angelic laughter; he's pulling at my sleeve as I write these very words.
My family was what helped me overcome the, at the time, dreadful silence that seemed to have engulfed me.
I wouldn't take away this experience because I learned something:

To be in silence does not mean to be alone, and to be alone does not mean to be in silence.
To be in silence is to be able to hear your own thoughts, to analyze your being, and to watch the world around you.
It's because of this that I started to write, really write.
The words that would string along on the paper, or in this case the screen, became my voice.
I learned to speak without words, and the silence wasn't drowning me anymore. It allowed me to scream out loud, to laugh, to cry, and to be. I didn't have to let that anxiety take control of my life, because that's what I had; anxiety.
I don't have a hard time speaking anymore. I love to smile and to laugh.
I'm not afraid to cry, though if I'm honest I don't like to do it often.
I'm still learning, but I've overcome that silence and the fear that would ever so often creep up on me.
I wasn't going to write this piece but I realized that maybe I needed to. I had to overcome that fear, tlrather than hide beneath brief smiles and half hearted laughs.
So to anyone reading this, don't be afraid to speak and don't be afraid to be silent.
Don't be afraid to feel, even if it's not always easy, because the only thing worse than pain is the denial of your pain and emotions; the anxiety.

A/N: My last minute entry, hope you enjoy :