To be determined

chapter 1: the funeral

People should know by now... Life sucks... There's nothing fair about life.

Everyone knows the saying "all is fair in love and war" but there's nothing fair about getting ur heartbroken and getting paralyzed in the middle of war.

Some people say I'm angry at the world, while others say I'm depressed.

I think I'm just stating a fact about the world that everybody denies to give them selves some hope.

I also think that they should screw off and let a grieving sister cry over the sad cruel world.

But if im not crying why should they screw off. The truth is I never knew this brother.

Everyone like to jump to conclusions, but just because we lived together for 17 years doesn't mean I knew him.

I had a sad pathetic childhood my parents were rarely home and the only family I had was my older brother who after 17 years still thinks I'm a mistake.

After Tyler turned 18 my parents disappeared and left me with him, which wasnt that big of a change.

I never saw Tyler. He went to the army the day after our parents left...officially.

I would get a check and a letter in the mail saying some random line from a 90s TV show and a few loving but unreal words.

The last few words of his letters are always " I miss u Kira , take care of yourself, love always Tyler. "

I sometimes feel like he made a stamp just for my letters.

Now they expect me to give a beautiful speech about a crap brother that was never there for me. People see death as an end.

Well it is, for Tyler at least.

For me it's a beginning, to live my life independently.

To not have to worry about the people I love dying or getting sick or married or birthdays etc etc.

Because there is truly no one left in this world that I love.

I never thought that I loved Tyler but there was always something I felt that was missing if his mothly letter showed up late. Or if he forgot to send me some special words on my birthday.

Now there's nothing missing there is no other person in this world that I could have even predended to love.

The truth is that I'm just as cruel and unfair as this cold cold world.

I mean I shot down even a flake of pity.

I don't even allow people to feel sorry for me,

Why should they if I don't even feel sorry for my self?

Why should they feel sorry for me if my brother was the one in the casket?

Why couldn't I have died early but with a purpose?

And here I am standing in front a crowd of stangers who claim to know my brother.

"Tyler was a very well loved young man. "

Some random guy in a suit said.

"here to speak is his younger sister who he had taken care of for 17 years. "

'yeah? More like paid for! ' I thought to myself.

" please welcome Kira Carter, Tyler's loving baby sister. "

And with that everyone appluded.

Walking slowly to the potium next to his casket I placed my hand on the smooth black wood.