Stuck in the Middle

Chapter 18

Lana takes me to my hotel room, she stated she wasn't going to take me back to that room ever again. I hugged her to that statement. I feel like I am in the right place at the right moment for once in my life. But still... I realize I have no idea what Lana's intentions are. I mean, we did kiss each other, but I still don't really know if she got stuck in the moment or... I just try not to think about it, until Lana slides her hand in mine when we get into the elevator. We are alone and no one can see us here. Our eyes lock together.

Just as I feel she's about to say something, the elevator stops and she lets go. A man and a young boy get in. We just awkwardly stand still and don't say a word. We don't even make eye contact. When we get to our floor, I step out and Lana follows me. When we get to our room, I type in the code to open the door. I have to do it twice since Lana's presence makes me nervous. She slips into the room and sighs loudly while she sits down on the edge of my bed. I join her.

"I'm so glad the convention is finally over. Don't get me wrong, it's an awesome thing to do but it's so tiring". She looks at me with doubt in her eyes. Before she gets the chance to open her mouth again and make me uncomfortable again, I take my chance to talk: "I am glad you came here, Lana. I do want to get to know you better, but I have one condition. I don't want to talk about what has happened. I am not ready and I really hope you respect that."

Lana opens her mouth to speak but I interfere: "Wait, I want to tell you something before you say something. I have never and will never blame you for what happened. I love you, you're my idol. How can I blame someone so perfect? I need you to not blame yourself ever for what happened. You did everything you could to protect me and I did this in an attempt to protect you. I feel like this wasn't the first time Fred gets drunk and does stupid shit. I think this must have happened to you too..." I finally dare to look Lana in the face for a moment, and I see tears running down her face. I decide to continue talking while I try to suppress my own tears: "You don't have to take this, you should leave him and run for the hills."

I place my hand on her knee and look at her with sympathy in my eyes. I give her time to think about what she wants to say. My words came natural but this subject must be very hard on her.

"I don't understand how you can be so cool about this and..." She shakes her head and tries to figure out what to say again. "I mean something horrible happened to you because of me and still..." "Don't you dare to do this. I told you, this is NOT your fault. Don't ever ever ever think it is because it's not. I will never think this is your fault. Fred's a horrible disgusting human being and he should be locked up far, far away from you. He shouldn't be allowed near you. I will forever be grateful that he didn't touch you that night because I saved you... That's something no one can take away from me. I saved you, not because you forced me but because I had to... because if I hadn't, I wouldn't be able to live with myself".

"You're my savior..." Her voice cracks and my heart breaks.