the tutor//fillie

18.

**finn's pov**

"In the name of our Heavenly Father, let us pray." Priest Christopher James says into the microphone, the Holy Bible clutched in his hand, a purple silky piece of clothing hung over his shoulders, as well as an all black cassock with the typical white collar, as my mom reaches over to hold my hand, everyone's heads bowing besides mine, praying silently.

I've never believed in anything Holy or spiritual, my entire life.

The idea of some guy up in the sky, granting wishes and answering prayers, so above everyone, just seems silly to me.

     And I don't mean that in a disrespectful way, I just mean that as that's how I've always viewed religion.

   I simply don't believe in it.

The squeezing of my mom's hand signals for me to bow my head, as I quickly do so, not wanting to upset her, since she really has no idea that I feel that way.

My entire family is Catholic, and they're super forward and open about it, they always have been.

Do I tell them that I don't believe in what they do? Of course, I don't.

It'd be disgraceful in their eyes, for me to not believe in something that they're so fixated and passionate on.

         Nick is the only one who knows that I'm an atheist, and I hope it stays that way, to prevent any judgement or disappointment thrown towards me.

"Amen." Priest James says, as everyone lifts their heads after a moment of silence, before we all sit down onto the long benches spread across the room, the sunlight from the chilly Sunday morning beaming through the colorful glass that was displayed behind the podiums, and the choir stage.

"May God be with us all, on this beautiful day. May He give us the strength and a reason to carry on. May He..." Christopher James begins, speaking from his heart, as I just stop paying much attention, going into my own thoughts.

This is just a load of shit.

People can believe in whatever they want, it doesn't matter to me

Agree to disagree, if you will.

But the fact that during my entire life, religion has always been shoved down my throat, that to me is what matters.

You can't make someone believe something.

"I really don't know if I can sit here for another hour. This is killing me." I whisper very quietly to Nick, who was sitting on the opposite side of my mom, right next to me.

"Just think about something else. Don't listen to what he's saying." Nick whispers back with a shrug, as we cut the conversation short.

Millie and I talked on the phone last night, for an entire hour.

  We talked about what we wanted to do after high school is over, places we wanna go to some day, how awesome the concert next weekend is going to be, etc.

I'm really starting to like her now, more than I ever thought I could.

I just keep getting more opportunities to find new things out about her, and it's great.

She's great.

   I want to make a move, ask her out, start flirting with her again...