The lovely artwork for this chapter was made by https://www.quotev.com/28541794 (:
"Are you sure you don't care if I date Crabbe?" Ashley asked me for the fiftieth time since their Valentine's Day date exactly seven days ago. Today, another Saturday, the Slytherin Six was seated at the Slytherin table for breakfast, though Ashley, who usually ate the most, hadn't touched her food because of her preoccupation with my thoughts on her and Crabbe."No, Ashley, I really don't care," I droned with a sigh, staring down at my mostly full plate of food. "Yes, his father helped kill my father, but that's got nothing to do with you, all right? I just want you to be happy, and if Crabbe makes you happier than Bletchley—"
"Still don't know how that's possible," Astoria injected in a mumbling tone.
"—then you should date him," I finished, sending a scowl in Astoria's direction. "Serious, Ash, you don't need my approval."
"If you want the obvious truth, though," Melody began, slowly looking up from her book, "Crabbe is fat, ugly, dumb, and gross. But, considering you're both of equal brain capacity, you'd make the perfect match."
Ashley let out a dramatic breath. "I know we're the perfect match...but what about Bletch?"
"We've already had this discussion, Ash," Harper groaned through bites of toast. "Bletchley makes you think. You don't like to think. Crabbe doesn't know how to think. Pick Crabbe."
"No one wants romantic advice from you, Harper," Anderson insisted as he chewed. "You've been stuck on the same monstrous girl for years. No offense, Melody."
"None taken," Melody drawled emotionlessly. "I agree, surprisingly. Harper needs to move on."
"Well, no one should take advice from you either," Harper griped to Anderson, ignoring Melody completely. "You broke up with a girl who's two years older than you, and you did it rudely and in front of the entire school."
"The best advice is to always pick the better looking one," Astoria concluded simply. "In your situation, Bletchley is clearly the hunk, and Crabbe is the piece of junk. Now, if you're stuck in a situation like Lainey's, it's a bit trickier. She's got two equally good-looking hunks, you know—"
"What are you talking about, Astoria?" I interrupted with a lighthearted eye roll.
"We're all fully aware that you went on two Valentine's Day dates," Astoria informed me rather formally. "First you went to Madam Puddifoot's with Draco, and then you snuck into the Astronomy Tower with one of those cute twins. Both dates were equally as enticing, so I don't find it fair to choose on that premise either—"
"I only went to Puddifoot's for Ashley," I cut in dryly. "And my date with Fred was...I dunno—I just don't want to talk about any of it, all right?"
"Hang on, if your method is picking based on looks, does that mean you find me less attractive than that dumb Muggle?" Anderson sneered as food spewed out of his mouth.
Astoria pretended as though Anderson did not exist. "So, Lainey, did Evan say anything to you about the poems I sent him for Valentine's Day? I haven't heard back from him yet, and I worked very hard on those poems."
"My favorite was 'Evy, you make the stars shine so bright, I wish you could get in my pants tonight'," Harper recited, his words ending in uncontrollable chortles.
"Hey! You were not supposed to read those!" Astoria whined ferociously.
"I haven't gotten any letters from my brothers in a few weeks actually," I told Astoria as I attempted to conceal my expression of muddled repulsion and amusement.
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The Mudblood
Fanfiction"Wha-How-how did you do that?" Malfoy questioned furiously. I gave him a cocky smirk. "Just a few simple jinxes. Guess I'm not that much of a Mudblood after all, hm?" His brow furrowed. "No-you're still a Mudblood. Do you not know what Mudblood mea...