The Mudblood

Chapter 105 : Year 5

The fanart for this chapter was made by a fan on Quotev.

It wasn't astonishing to anyone that after silently crying under my blankets about my pitiful life, I downed my remaining five potions and passed out. I then dreamt that Ashley and I traveled to the Chamber of Secrets, where we danced around the dead basilisk's skeleton and sang songs in Parseltongue. Well, I sang songs in Parseltongue. Ashley tried to copy me but only really hissed and spat and chanted "Snakes, snakes, snakes!" It was probably the strangest, most comical dream I'd ever had. A nice break from the constant death-related nightmares I'd been having.
The next two weeks were strained, and the two days following my kisses with Vaisey and Malfoy I refused to leave my dormitory. Ashley and Astoria brought me food, but I barely ate any. They said Malfoy had asked them numerous times where I was, which they were convinced was because he missed me, though I knew it was simply because he wanted me to be his Death Eater slave.

Despite his efforts to convince me (and himself) that he had never impulsively kissed me, my mind replayed the event ceaselessly, my lips recalling the excitement he elicited and my brain recalling the euphoria he provoked, the sense of bliss that even Bletchley's Bottle of Bliss couldn't produce. Perhaps if we talked through the situation we'd be able to come to the conclusion that we both did maintain the same sentiments toward each other, but it was clear by the way he treated me over the next fourteen days that neither of us were close to voicing a confession. His brain focused solely on our task, rebuffing even the mildest implication that anything significant had passed between us. My brain concentrated on our kiss only, neglecting our mission while I imagined ways in which I could spark a meaningful conversation about it with him. This resulted in an extremely tense awkwardness between us. Quietness plagued both of us whenever we worked on the Cabinet together, his a grudging and irascible kind, while mine was wistful and patient.

What bothered me most were all of the unanswered questions that floated through my consciousness. He'd told Blaise that he didn't love me and he would never love me, so then what was the kiss about? Why would he kiss me if he didn't love me? Why would he be so furious when seeing Vaisey and I together if he didn't have feelings for me? Why would he feel such hatred for Fred and such animosity toward the idea of marrying Astoria if he didn't care about me? If he didn't want to be with me instead? None of these inquiries could be voiced, of course. Not until I was ready to explain to him why I'd hesitated during our kiss. Not until I was finished grappling with my lingering feelings for Fred.

On a lighter and non-romantic note, Astoria did cut Harper's hippie hair to a shorter length. She even styled it, making it less like a shaggy mess on his head and more mature and attractive. Melody, I noticed when I finally extricated myself from my bed, even seemed to enjoy his new haircut. She would never say so, obviously, but it was clear in her deep green eyes.

Ashley had taken my advice and requested that Snape remove the ban on selling products in the common room so Astoria could continue her business. As she recalled the encounter, Snape had replied, "As long as I am in no way involved, do you as you please, Pucey." He must have been in an uncharacteristically good mood not to rebuke her. Or she could have remembered the incident incorrectly. Her impression of Snape's voice was comically accurate, though.

By the time February ended, Malfoy and I had managed allow the Vanishing Cabinet to receive living small creatures without murdering them or causing them tremendous strife. They did have a few injuries, but nothing life threatening. I found hope in this progress, but Malfoy wanted the other Death Eaters' passageway into the castle to be flawless, so we continued to work.

On the first day of March, a Saturday, I was heading up to the Room of Requirement early in the morning to get a head start on the Cabinet without Malfoy's presence distracting me, but as I was ascending the staircase, I caught sight of two people that I did not want to encounter: Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. There wasn't as much enmity between us now as there had been earlier in the year, but I knew that Harry would question my destination, and it would be difficult for me to prove that I was going somewhere to spend time with Malfoy when the blond git wasn't even present.