The Imaginary Life

Loosening Up

If not now, then when?

On Thursday I ran into Dani and Martina, those friends of yours we'd see so often when we were together and whom I haven't seen again since we split up. We exchanged kisses, said long time no see, and headed off to grab a drink at a bar in Malasaña, where the four of us would occasionally meet up. It was slightly awkward because I know they still see you, but I couldn't bring myself to broach the subject, and they couldn't bring themselves to ask me. However, since alcohol works wonders for loosening the tongue, after the second round, Dani blurted out:

"And how are you coping, Nata?"

"Coping with what, the whole Beto thing? Well...fine, getting on with things."

Silence.

"What about him? How's he doing?" I asked.

"Fine ... He's fine, fine ... Getting on with things." He smiled and lowered his gaze.

More silence.

"So he's got a lot of work going on?" I asked.

"I hear he's up to his ears. In fact, he's building a house for some big fish and says it's the job of a lifetime. He's going to make a bundle...."

"Ah, nice to hear...maybe that's why he hasn't called me since we broke up. He's got a lot on his plate."

"Sure, who knows, that must be it," said Dani, looking off to one side. "Either way, if you want to talk to him, you could always give him a ring, eh?"

"I wouldn't call if I were you, Nata," Martina broke in. "I don't think he's strong enough to face you yet. He'll call you later, you'll see."

"Jesus, he's not strong enough to face me yet? What did I do to him? That's what I'd like to know."

"Thing is," Dani cut in, "it's not about what you did to him but what you did to each other."

"That's easy enough: we broke up. That's all we did to each other, nothing more, nothing less. And let's get one thing straight: he dumped me....You say it as if it was my fault."

"Nooo! That's not it, take it easy, no one's saying you're at fault for anything. All we're saying is that Alberto found it really tough to make the decision to break up with you....That's all we're saying."

"Christ! What about me? Where do I fit in? It wasn't tough on me? Damn right it was. It was and it is. You have no idea how hard it is to start from scratch, rebuilding the life you had before, being alone again...And anyway, I don't see how you can say that; I called him plenty of times to check up on him, but he never once replied...."

"Well, he did reply at the beginning."

OK, at the beginning, sure—you mean the first three days. But after that it's as if the ground opened up and swallowed him. I've had to go to counseling and everything because I thought I'd die of sadness, and he hasn't had the decency to text me. I'm not talking about a phone call, no. I'm talking about a text to ask me 'What's up? Are you OK?' I mean, we were a couple for more than three years, right?"

"Easy, Nata, the whole bar can hear you."

"Well, let them hear me, Martina. Let them hear that I'm pissed off with Alberto and that it seems to me that our relationship was a sham, because you can't break up with someone just like that, from one day to the next, and vanish off the face of the earth...."

"See? I told you we shouldn't bring up the subject."

"What type of person was I with Dani? Do you know? Because I swear that I don't have a clue anymore."

Well," Dani said, "I think that you two never really knew each other, seeing as you had that whole 'we live together but to each their own' apartment scene, that whole 'we don't want kids' thing, 'we want to enjoy life; we're committed but we're free.'..."

"What are you talking about? What's the deal; all couples have to buy a place together, have kids, and start a family? Only couples that fit in with the way you see it?"

"Come on, Nata, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that maybe there's a part of Alberto that you never understood, because he'd say one thing to you when maybe what he really wanted was something else...."

"Dani...." cautioned Martina.

"What are you trying to say, Dani, tell me what you're trying to say."

"Nothing, Nata. I'm not trying to say anything.... All I'm saying is that you've always put up barriers and that Alberto couldn't overcome them no matter how hard he tried. And that affected him big-time, because say what you like, but most of us want to be with people who open themselves up to us, who let themselves be loved, who can feel it. Nata, no matter how independent you try to be, no matter how much you say 'Do whatever you feel like; it's a free country,' deep down we all want someone to take care of us, someone who makes us feel they only have eyes for us, someone we can make plans with. We want someone by our side who tells us that nothing else matters. And I think you haven't gotten there yet because you're afraid. You're afraid that the fun part is over, afraid of the day-to-day routine, because you think it's dull and you feel that it won't satisfy you...."

"But it wasn't just me. Beto was the same way...."

"It doesn't matter if he was, Nata. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm going to give you a piece of advice, although you'll do whatever you feel like anyway. You should start living life to the fullest, leaving yourself open. Lower your guard. Because being independent and having no ties is all well and good, but all you're doing is shielding yourself so no one can hurt you, and that's not what life is all about. In the beginning, you make the person with you feel that the world is magical—always on the go, painting the town red, traveling, falling in love—but when the chips are down, when the time comes to face facts, you don't like what you see. And the person with you can sense that. You don't like reality, Nata, and that makes it difficult to be with you, because no one has ever seen you really leave yourself open, in good times and in bad, in make believe and in real life, in adventure and in boredom! One day you'll realize that being bored with someone at your side is also beautiful. Sitting on the sofa in front of the TV with your partner doesn't mean you're missing out on something else waiting for you out there, Nata; it's just enjoying a life in common. It's like you always have something more important to do, and in the end that's what life is...taking things easy, living with someone, and having a future. That's what life is. The rest is just fairy tales."

"Dani...where did you get such a reactionary streak?"

"Because that's what life is fucking like, Nata. That's it. That's life, like it or not.

If what you're looking for is Prince Charming, then go for it, but you won't find him, because he doesn't exist."

I fell silent and looked at him. He too fell silent for a moment.

"Whatever!" he picked up where he left off. "Let's drop it, it's none of my business. If you want to call him, go ahead and call him, and that's that. Let's have a drink in peace and talk about something else."...Anyway, you look great, you cow, you look really great. You seem happy. Say what you like, I bet it's been a while since you last thought about Beto, and you've rebuilt your life."

"Totally rebuilt, Dani...I've totally rebuilt it."

____________________________________Oh My ducking God! Nata basically had a meltdown and was told some harsh truths about her relationship with Beto. Ooohh

I'm so excited for what happens next. Yayyy!!
Anyways please vote and comment your opinions. :)
Until next time......

Ciao.