To Take A Risk

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I stood there unable to speak as the woman at my doorstep stood and nodded. My first emotion was utter shock. As quick as it appeared it vanished and was replaced by anger. My face grew hotter than a volcanoe and redder than a tomatoe. I slammed the door shut. Immediately leaning against it and sliding down to sit as warm tears began streaming down my reed cheeks.

Does she really think I would accept her with open arms? She missed me ride a bike, my first day of JR. High, hell she missed my first period!

I sat there against the door drowning in my own tears. Brandon came over and sat next to me trying to figure out what was going on, but I didn't really care at that point. I was in pure, feel ssorry for myself mode.

Brsandon put his arm around me kissing my forehead telling me to calm down and that it would be alright.

Only if he understood.

As I calmed down I heard faint noises from the opposite side of the door. Was that crying? I peeked throught the side window, wiping the stray tears from my face. There I saw my mother sitting on the porch step, face in her hands, and sobbing. Why, of all people, would SHE be crying? She left me. Or doesn't she remember. I slowly opened the door, poking my head through the crack. She sniffled noticing my presence at the door behind her. She slowly turned around, not standing up form where she sat. I could only see pure pain and, was that regret in her eyes as well?

I opened the door wider, taking s step outside. I stood behind her with my arms crossing over my chest, giving me a sense of self defense. Not like she was going to physically harm me, but I wasnt not letting her into my heart again.

"Kyla- I- I-," she managed to stutter, as if she was at a loss for words. Until I cut her off.

"Why are you here?" I said sternly with unintended venom seeping out of my voice.

"Kyla, please just listen, I-," I cut her off again.

"No. You listen. I have grown up without a mother for more than half my life. I had to sit and listen to girls calling their moms their bestfriends. What did I have? A drunk for a father and a mother who ran away. And for what? You ran either way, but for what? Another man? Other MEN? Or was it alcohol and drugs?" I have no idea how long I was holding that in, or that I was holding that in, in the first place.

"Hunny-," I cut her off once more, why would she even speak, because honestly I wasn't going to listen.

"Don't you DARE call me hunny. I have fended for myself and you are still gonna talk to me like I'm your little girl? Well news flash 'MAMA' I'm grown up and I can make it on my own and to be honest I dont need, want, or hope for you OR dad's help. Got it?"

She nodded her head, embarassed and, I'm sure, ashamed.

"Kyla, can I have a chance to at least explain myself?" She pleaded.

"Oh please do, make my day, humor me." Ok that was a little harsh, but I was steamed.

"Well, Kyla, when you were born your father and I weren't quite ready to have you. You were a beautiful child and we loved you non the less. However as you grew, so did the stress. Your father turned to drinking. I turned to affairs. I disgusted myself enough to where I would cry myself to sleep at night, but I didnt stop. I had slept with about 5 different men before your dad found out."

I nodded as I felt the tears built up. I don't understand why I had this happen to me. She continued.

"Anyways, I knew I was going to be divorced or I would have a marriage that was to a man I was in love with, but deffinately wasn't in love with me. I ran. I was a coward, and I never quite returned until due to the fact that I was scared to face you. I knew you would reject me, with every right to do so. As I was away, I drank, yes, I got somewhat involved in drugs. I used it all to numb the pain that ate me away from not seeing my family."

I simply furrowed my eyebrows, trying to show that I didn't care. Too bad tears were gliding down from my eyes. I sniffed my nose trying to play it off.

She reached behind into her back pocket, pulling out a bundle of envelops.

"These are cards I wrote for you for Christmas, Easter, and most importantly, your Birthday."

I was utterly shocked as she handed me the bundle, completely speechless.

She gave a slit chuckle. "Feburary 14th 1994. I was to scared to send them, plus I wasn't sure if you had moved since I last saw you, obviously not, since you are now in Michigan."

"I don't know what to say." I was purely at a loss for words.

My mom took my hand holding it between hers. "Can you please take my number, I want to be there for the rest of your life. I want to be there for your wedding, crying, knowing my baby doll will have a better life, with better decisions, than the life I had and the decisions I made."

I shook her hands from my palm. She looked hurt, until i wrapped my arms around her, taking her into a loving embrace. I wasn't going to let my mother spill her guts out to me and not let her back into my life with acceptance.

We exchanged information and promised to stay in touch.

I walked back into the house. Brandon sat on the couch, I had completely forgot he was even there.

"Did that go well?" He asked, kissing my forhead and leaning his head ontop of mine.

"Better than you could imagine." I said with a reassuring smile.

I picked up my phone, calling Alena. I had to tell her my pros and cons sooner or later. I knew it wouldn't change anything anyways. She wasn't scared away by y dad anyways so that's a plus for sure.

I spilled everything to Alena, I cried again, and Brandon sat by me the whole time. His warm arm wrapped around me. I hung up the phone with Alena.

"Thank you Brandon." I smiled, giving him a kiss on his cheek.

"I should probably head home, I will see you tomorrow, in class, no more skipping." He said with a wink.

I bit the corner of my bottom lip in response, blushing, as he walked out the door.

As soon as thr front door closed I skipped over and plopped down on the couch. I flipped on the tv. Spongebob was on? Hell yes I'm watching Spongebob!

I heard the door open and shut, I figured it was just dad returning from work. However a firm grisp I knew too well grabbed my shoulder spinning me around.

Brandon?

Suddenly his lips crashed onto mine and as quick as it happened he pulled away smiling, and darting towards the door.

I don't know what was happening, but somewhere deep inside me, I knew which kiss had the fireworks that day.

Malcom's.