3 am Thoughts

The Note that Started this Story

Hello!

I doubt that y'all had any trouble figuring out what this installment is about how I came up with this idea.

Well, I actually just found the note that I created with the idea and the topic...

I would like to state that I am human and have made mistakes. This note was created when I was at a low point and was determined to make my life crumble into ashes.

Depression isn't a joke. If you ever need someone to talk to, don't be afraid to talk to an adult that you trust. Yes, your friends are a good place to start but maybe talking to someone with more experience is better. I'm sure that I'll talk about my own experiences more in depth in later "chapters" but please, reach out to someone. I'm always here. If you direct message me on here or comment somewhere on this chapter, I will send you my contact information and we can talk for as long as you want. In the meantime, just remember that you're worth it and you deserve to live.

Now back to the topic of this part.

•11/23/16 3:38 am•

Why am I a moron? I have a boyfriend that I'm in love with and yet, here I am snapchatting this guy who just asked if we could be fwb and I agreed...

•••

By now, most of you are probably judging me and I don't blame you. Trust me, I'm not a fan of cheaters but that's a story for another installment.

So, this person lives in a different country, we met through Clash of Clans (nerd alert), and it is very unlikely that we would ever meet. As a result, this "fwb" or "friends with benefits" thing would only consist of sexting. Yes, it's a bad idea and I don't recommend it but this person and I built a foundation of trust over (about) a year.

I agreed because we made each other feel good... I was the only one sending pictures and he complimented me. It seemed like a win-win situation since my self-confidence is nonexistent and you can find my self-worth in the same area aka nowhere.

Honestly, it never really worked out that well. We're in different time zones, I felt guilty, and it didn't stop my world from crumbling. It did provide me with happiness though and I'll always cherish his friendship.

Yes, we still talk. Well, kinda of. I haven't heard from him in a day or two but he's still my best friend on Snapchat. It's a complicated friendship but it works for us.

•••

As for my boyfriend and I, we're actually engaged now. I'm sure that I'll talk about our problems later but we're happier now. He's actually in the army and will be on his first deployment soon... I'm lucky to have him, a brave, young man willing to serve our country. I can't wait for him to come back already, I'm a sap! Make sure to thank our service members! They fight so we can live freely.

Oh and my fiancé does know about this guy and what happened between us. He was crushed but we have worked through it. I truly have an amazing man. He accepts me for who I am and is willing to work with me through the bad times. I'm forever grateful to this man for helping me in more ways than one.

•••

Well, I think that's it for this chapter of "I'm a fuck up"! I mean, "3 am Thoughts" but really, either works! I hope that you enjoyed this little insight into my life and I look forward to writing the next part!

Have an amazing day and you're worth it!

Love always,

Anneke