Burden

Chapter 4

A/N: Anything in another language I'm not actually going to write in another language. I did know these languages when I was younger, but I was not completely fluent and it has been years since I've even touched them. So I've forgotten them except for a few words here and there. I don't remember how to do a lot of skills I knew when I was younger. For example, I once knew how to knit and sew as well as crochet. Even my drawing skills are completely rusty. I lost all interest in any leisure activities as my mental state grew worse with age. I barely even listen to music any more. The only hobby I never discarded was reading and then later writing.
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I looked down at the floor. Emotions were swirling in my gut and everything in me had a strong aversion to letting her get even a little bit closer to her.

"Sensei," the woman finally spoke up. "Why'd you call me here? What's wrong with the brat."

I flinched again.

Brat.

Yeah. I know. No need to tell me, old hag.

The old man sighed as he stood up. Immediately I latched onto his robes again. He looked down at me kindly. "It's okay. I'm just going to talk to her. You don't have to worry. Like I said, she won't hurt you."

My fingers tightened once again and I was practically dragged over to the woman. The old man leaned towards her and had a whispered conversation with her before she suddenly knelt down in from of me.

Not expecting it, I felt myself flinch back violently and almost trip. The only thing that kept me from falling was my grip on the old man's robes.

The woman's expression softened and something funny that I felt when she was nice to me swirled into my belly.

I hated that feeling.

It made me feel as pathetic as she said I was.

Despite the fact that she hurt me I was still desperate for her acceptance. I did everything she told me and everything I thought she would want me to do to try to make her love me.

I pretended to believe in God to make her happy. I loved seeing her happy and I hated that I loved her.

I hated that she loved her God more than she could ever love me.

The reminder caused my eyes to water and I blinked a few times to make it go away. Taking a deep breath and clearing my face from any and all emotions.

"Hello. My name is Rukia. It is nice to meet you. Thank you for taking care of me."

The automatic and monotone reflexive remark slid through my lips perfectly. I stood straight. Releasing the old man's robes. My muscles were still taught from the emotional distress, but there wasn't anything I could do about that.

She blinked, a surprised expression crossed her face and she immediately looked toward her sensei.

The old man watched the interaction silently. I could see a slight frown on his face in my peripheral vision as he seemed to think about something.

The woman turned her attention back to me and gave another smile.

Fake.

She didn't really care.

No one did. They never did.

"I was told you are hurt. Can I see?"

Not caring for modesty, since she was a doctor and nobody seemed to care last time, I immediately took off my clothing.