Gemini

16 - FATIMA

It has been a long time since I laughed. All of Aliyu's family was extremely nice and happy for us for our soon to be new additions to our small growing family.

At 9:00 pm I picked up my phone and there were about 30 missed calls from my sisters and brother, I knew it wasn't good news. I knew it was my mother, I knew, in that moment, I knew that my mother had died.

I called my sister, Fadila, she answered but she said nothing all she did was sob very loudly into the phone, I ended the phone call and picked up my bag and keys, I grabbed Ameerah by the arm and started towards the door, Aliyu stepped in front of me as I opened the door.

"Is everything alright?" it was like I was a robot, I knew my mother died and I could feel my heart disintegrate in my chest but no tears.

I ignored him and headed to the car. I put Ameerah in the car and got into the driver's seat, all the while Aliyu was following closely behind me asking me what was wrong.

"Mama" I said and started the car, I heard him gasp and realization set in.

"You can't drive now" he tried to stop me.

I felt tears on my cheek and my vision began to blur; I was crying.

"I have to go to her" I said wiping the tears that were in my eyes so I could see.

"No, not in this condition" he was getting angrier, I could sense it, but I refused to listen to him.

"Fine" he said

"Not with my daughter" he went to open the back but I locked it. If he hadn't taken me away from her tonight I would have been with her when she died.

I look at him with absolutely no expression on my face and tears rolling onto my cheeks staining my hijab.

I drove off without looking back; Aliyu was banging on the trunk of my car screaming at me.

My mother is dead.

There are tears in my eyes and rolling down my cheeks.

"Mama" I know Amira is talking but I can't hear her.

I use my hand to wipe my tears, my eyes are off the road for only a second but it happened.

When I open my eyes there's a tree in front of me and there was smoke all around.

My hand darts to my stomach, my babies, are they okay?

I try to turn around and check for my daughter but I can't, I can't turn.

"Ameerah" I call for her, I can't hear her. My baby isn't making any noise.

I call for help, I scream as loud as I can.

A man comes up to my window and then he turns around and calls other people.

Those people helped me out of the car and they laid me down on the ground, I kept my hand on my bulging stomach and my eyes searching for my girl, my baby, my whole life.

I hear them say 'mutu' which means dead in Hausa.

I didn't want to hear it. My baby girl wasn't dead, she couldn't be, and she's just a child, only a baby.

I don't have the strength to cry, silent tears roll down and into my hair.

Someone took me and put me into a car.

"My girl" I kept saying. The woman that was in the back with me told me I would see my girl in the hospital, I knew what she meant but I held hope in my heart that they were wrong, that my child still lived.

My hand still on my stomach I hoped that these babies would be okay, I hoped that they will live a long life. I began to pray for my unborn children and my baby girl.

I prayed that Allah will protect them and keep them all alive.

I must have blacked out again because I woke up in a hospital bed.

There were sharp pains all over my body but especially in my stomach.

I looked around the room and found my sister sobbing in the corner, my brother standing by the door looking aimless.

The second they realized I was awake they rushed to my side.

"How are you feeling?" my sister asked. What a stupid question, my mother is dead, I have no idea what state my babies are in.

"How-how are they?" I manage to ask.

The sad look on her face made me nervous.

"Do I still have them?" I begin to well up.

"Yes, but not both" I felt my heart stop for a whole second. How could I have just one? How could there be just one? It's impossible.

"But the other baby is just fine, the doctor says he will be able to be born at full term Insha'Allah" was that supposed to make me feel better?

"Ameerah?" I bring myself to ask the question I was dreading from the second I opened my eyes.

A tear rolled down my sister's cheek as she shook her head, my baby was gone; my girls, both of them were.

I was going to have two girls when the twins were born.

Now I have none.

"I want to see her" I say as I make my way to get up.

"Now?" my sister rushes to my side.

"Yes, now" I say flatly, I stand completely.

"You had surgery, are you sure-"

"Now" I shoot a glare at Fadila.

She walks me to a room four down from mine.

There I saw her laid down wrapped in a white cloth with only her face open.

My heart dropped from my chest and I didn't feel it come back to my chest.

I feel a little squeal escape from my lips as I dropped on the chair beside the bed my daughter lay.

"Ameerah" I whisper as tears rolled down my cheeks.

"May your soul rest in peace, my perfect little child" I prayed as I got up and walked out. That was the last I would see of my daughter as long as I live.

***

I didn't get to see my mother before she was buried.
I was unconscious for a day and a half.
Ameerah didn't die immediately after the accident. She died the next morning.

I sat in my mother's bedroom as I watched my sisters clean my daughter and wrap her up for the burial.

It was almost like none of it was real. It felt like an out of body experience.

Two days ago I had a mother, a daughter and I was expecting two more beautiful babies.

Everything has changed.

Aliyu had lost it.

He screamed and yelled and hollered at me at the hospital when he found out about the children.
If Abubakar hadn't been there he probably would have hit me.
All our progress, all his progress, gone.

I needed him after the losses I had, after the losses we suffered.

I needed him and he turned on me.

****

We're getting closer to the end.

Updates will be once a week from now on.
So lookout for Gemini next Friday

FATIMAH SHEMA
XOXO

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