Hope

Chapter 6

I finally looked back up at him. I wondered why he was sorry, it's not like he could do anything. I guess it's just some phrase.
I wipe my eyes, feeling stupid for being like this. I have an extremely good reason, though. My insides are dying. There is nothing left of my heart to kill. No medicine can help me, and none ever did. Stupid therapists never cared, they only want money.
"Sorry," I mutter, sniffling slightly.
"Why are you apologizing? I've been a total douche, and you're going through so much. All for a reputation that just seems to keep me hostage. Don't apologize," he said, moving away again.
I sigh, sniffling again. My mind starts to spin. Please don't let this be like last time. Oh dear gosh please.
Repressed memories start flooding back. Instinctively, I start shaking. It wasn't enough for Asher to notice though. What if this is all in my head too, what if Asher isn't real. My sister isn't hurt. Asher isn't being nice, it's hallucinations, right? He's not nice, he can't be.
        I think he finally noticed how much my mind was spinning.
        "Do you want to talk about anything? I promise I won't tell anyone or judge, and I'll try my best to listen and give answers," he said.
This isn't real, this can't be real.
       "Is this all in my head? Are you even real, and really being nice? This isn't real. You aren't real. Are you?" My mouth is just spitting out what's swirling through my head.
       "What?" He asked, clearly very confused. "I don't know what you mean, I'm as real as it gets I think," he said, kind of confused.
       I reach out and grasp gently onto his arm. He jumps, startled. I examine his hand quickly before leaning back over to where I was and letting go of his arm. He looks scared and confused.
       "I-I'm really sorry," I mumble, before placing my face back into my hands. I've ruined it. I'm a freak. He now even thinks less of me. This is it. I have to live alone.
        "It's fine, I understand. I won't ask what that's about if you don't want to tell me," he said, relaxing again.
         I look up, now the one with the confused look on my face. I didn't ruin it. I didn't ruin something.
        "It's a very long story that you really don't need to sit through. Just- just know that there was something that happened, and it traumatized me and I had hallucinations and things, but then some of it was real and it was a whole mess," I said quietly, voice crackly.
        He nodded slightly, understanding I didn't want to go into detail.
I want my sister. She better be ok.
        "So, you can sleep on my bed and I can sleep on the air mattress, or the other way if you want. It's up to you," he said, snapping me out of my jumbled thoughts.
        "Uh, it doesn't matter. I don't want to take your bed from you, I'll take the air mattress," I say, not wanting to be a burden.
        He nods, and I look over to his digital clock. It's already 7:14, I must have been crying for a while and he must have been sitting there awkwardly. Why am I so stupid, I shouldn't have made him do that.
There was a knock on the door again, and it slowly opened. His mother was there with a tray that had different foods on it. She smiled kindly and walked in, setting the tray down and then leaving, closing the door behind her.
        I looked at the tray. Soup, chicken wings, mashed potatoes. At least there's good food.
        Asher picked up one of the bowls of soup, and began eating it. I grabbed the other, looking into it. I picked up the spoon and scooped up some soup, just staring at it. I set the spoon back into the bowl, not eating.
        He looked over, confused one more.
        "Do you not like soup?" He asked, and paused eating it.
        "No, I like it, I just, I don't know," I say, voice crackly. My mind is blank and I don't want to do anything.
        He nods his head, showing me that he understands. "It's ok, if it gets cold we can just heat it up," he said gently.
        It still confuses me why he's so nice out of school. I know I probably look more dead inside than usual, but I would expect him to just look disgusted and leave. It's nice to know he's not a complete douche.

•••

        I feel really bad. Her and her sister have a really good relationship, unlike most siblings, and it's her sister that gets hurt.
        I set my soup back down, not wanting to make her feel bad and eat while she didn't want to.
        "You can eat, it's fine, I promise," she said, looking down at the food.
        I shook my head no, not wanting to do that. It just felt wrong.
        I'm actually being a decent human being. I don't know if I like this, or if I just feel bad. We'll find out once it's Monday. For now, I'll just try and help Riley out.

AUTHORS NOTE:
Ahhh!! Thank you so much for reading this! I'm so sorry I didn't get this out sooner, I've been super busy and emotionally drained. This one is also a lot shorter and worse than the others, but I wanted to get a chapter out. Thank you  so much and I'm so sorry.