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he did it again. I now know that the "they" of my last entryare actually a "he" because I looked at him in the act of silently watching me walk by. if I wasn't so done with everyone in that school I might say it was cute when he blushed and whipped his head the opposite way. but I am tired of this school, and to be quite honest I can't tell if it was cute because all I saw was his cheeks get a darker shade of grey. from my knowledge, nothing's cute when it's in grey-scale. anyway, thought this boy might be the first friend I'd make. or maybe not even friend, maybe just a person who mutually prefers silence so we never talk but we have each other's company. but that went down the drain when he turned away. guess he's finally discovered who-- what I am. pity, really. better on his part that he found out sooner rather than later. jeez, listen to me. getting all pathetic because some boy spared me from being mocked. disgusting.
when I went home my parents seemed even more disappointed. they started out being okay with it, saying that i just haven't found the right person yet. but as the months went on and I never brought friends home, let alone a significant other, they got concerned. i love 'em, really I do. I just don't know if they still love me, their derelict son, anymore. pitying myself again, I see? doesn't get me anywhere, so why keep it up? then again, this search for love hasn't gotten me anywhere either. maybe I should listen to my own advice.
anyway, I love my parents but I don't love how they treat me like I'm brain-dead. no, dad, that white light isn't too bright for me. yes, mom, I can see that big-ass house you think I can't because you described it in color. nah, ma it's okay you used your Color-seeing to your advantage! no need to apologize! maybe I am brain-dead to them. it shouldn't bother me so much, but it does. knowing and being told you're a freak by other kids is bad, but manageable. seeing the same silent judgement in your parents' eyes is so much worse.
they've taken to describing Color to me. between you and me, their efforts do jack shit, but I appreciate it and don't tell them otherwise. besides, they usually fall short right away because after all, you can't really describe one Color without using another Color.
maybe seeing in monochrome isn't so bad for that reason. white? it's basically just a really, really light grey. black? it's like grey, but the darkest you can imagine. every grey shade in between is just a combination of the two.
I've heard you can mix different Colors together to create others. sounds complicated.
