The Summer Daze

Chapter 17

            I spent most of the week and that weekend thinking about whether or not I should go fishing with my dad. On the Saturday night before that Sunday morning, I decided to just do it. We did need to have an honest and open conversation, and being out in a boat in the middle of a big lake was the perfect place to have that conversation. So that Sunday morning, I made sure to put on some clothes that I didn't mind getting wet or dirty and I drove out to Lake Sycamore. Immediately, my mind flashed back to the night I had sex with Noah for the first time. I stared out at the spot we did it at as I waited for my dad to arrive.

            "I haven't been out here in a while," he told me as I helped him disconnect his boat from the back of his truck. "Your grandfather used to bring me out here all the time when I was your age and younger."

            "If you don't mind me asking," I began, "how did he pass away?"

            "He had a stroke about six years ago and he never recovered."

            "I'm sorry."

            "He would've been crazy about you. He was crazy about Tavian. He was tall and played basketball, too." He laughed and shook his head as we finally disconnected the boat and pushed it down towards the water.

            "Do you think he would've accepted me being gay?"

            "I honestly don't know, son. I never talked to him about anything like that while he was living. I never heard him say anything about gay people. Grab those fishing poles and that tacklebox."

            I grabbed the fishing poles and tacklebox and placed them inside the boat before helping him push the boat out into the water. We jumped in and he started the boat's motor and drove it out into the lake. When he settled on a spot, he cut the motor off and unfolded one of the fishing seats. I unfolded the one beside his and sat down beside him.

            "The best way to get a fish is to wrap the bait on the hook like this," he said while showing me. "Leave some of the tail off so that it will wiggle in the water. The fish will see that wiggling and not the hook."

            I did like he said and then cast my fishing line out into the water. There was brief moment of silence between us and when I figured he wasn't going to say anything, I looked at him and asked, "Are you honestly okay with me being gay, dad?"

            He looked into my eyes and told me, "Yes, Dorian. And I'm sorry for saying you're gay because I wasn't around. I just...I feel like such a deadbeat dad. And I can blame your mother for keeping us apart for so many years, but I should've made more of an effort. I missed so much of your life, son. I can't get that time back and it hurts me."

            "When you first learned of my existence, how did it make you feel?"

            "Excited. Dorian, had I known your mother was pregnant I would've been there from day one. I would've told Terri everything because no matter what, you're my son and you're my responsibility. But I just didn't know. When I found out, I flew to Philadelphia that same day and I demanded to see you. Do you remember that?"

            "Yeah, I remember."

            "Boy, I looked at you and saw myself in you and it stopped my heart for a second." He smiled as he said, "You have no idea how excited I was to see you in person. I just wanted to bring you back here with me. But it wasn't that easy. I had to tell Terri about you and your mother was always reluctant to let you come down here. Still, there's so many things I could've done differently. I'm responsible for how things went down, Dorian. So, don't take your frustrations with me out on your mother. She's a good woman."