Thoughts

Hello my dear readers,

Just decided to upload this little one shot, it's about Klaus' thoughts on Isadora after his kiss with Fiona and also about why Isadora thinks Klaus has changed. Quite romantic but in an angst like way, I think? I'm not entirely sure what I've written

For some reason, I refer to the kiss scene in book 11 as the "moment".

Originally written for fanficiton.net (nuttierthansquirrelpoop). I'm not used to this site, and don't like it very much, but I figured I should upload something.

Nostalgia.

Nostalgia- a wistful desire to return in thought, or in fact, to a former time in one's life. To one's home, or homeland, or to one's family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time.

Isadora:

I just want you to be happy again.

That smile. That laugh. Those twinkling blue eyes.

I remember it all.

I just want it all back.

I remember my soft giggle as I grabbed your hand, racing from school, to the orphans' shack with you in tow. You didn't resist back then. You didn't run away.

The corners of your lips tugging upwards. The sound of happiness ringing through the trees.

You didn't even try to block me out. Where did that go?

I remember the sun, shining brightly, high in the sky. You know, the sun doesn't seem to shine anymore. It's so dark now. Do you ever notice? Would you even care?

I remember our "special" hay bale. Nothing special about it to the human eye but to us it meant something. It was our special place. When me, you, Violet, Sunny and Duncan were cramped up in there-trying to devise a plan of some sort- we would sit happily side by side. On most occasions we would discuss books and read my couplets. I remember when you wrote little criss-cross stars next to your favourite ones; so you wouldn't forget them. Yet, I doubt that you remember them now.

We spent hours sitting on that bale, didn't we? We would arrive – bursting through the door of the shack, (having just sprinted the long trail from school), panting, laughing – we'd sit down. We'd talk. Giggle. Smile. Watch the crabs nip, and quickly stamp our feet hurriedly.

I remember teaching you how to dance, once. My hand on your shoulder, your hand on my waist. Twirling around on clumsy feet. You'd stepped on my only pair of shoes (which were all ready falling to pieces) so I'd pushed you. Only a tiny shove but you lost your balance in the daze of it all and had fallen over the special bale. Whilst I had erupted with laughter I hadn't noticed that you'd suddenly grabbed my arm, with a deathly, evil- yet comical- glare in your wistful eyes, you had pulled me over the bale too.

That was fun, wasn't it? Even though we'd both ended up with small crab bites everywhere. Even though you'd gotten my clean school uniform scruffy and messed up my hair, and somehow managed to rip off the sole of my shoe. Even though, after that, we'd both had to endure a harsh telling-off from our dear elder brother and sister.

I wish we could be like that again! So tanquill, so untroubled. I haven't felt so care free in so long… Tell me, please, tell me – what changed?

Was it when we slowly drifted away from you in that hot air balloon?

Is it because you finally managed to escape from that weird, quaint coastal shelf of yours? Is it the fact that when you, eventually, found us that we didn't look exactly how you'd remember us. Do you think that we, well actually, do you think that I'm a different person? Because I'm not. Not everything has changed, you know. Sure, I may have grown, taken a bit of damage to my appearance but inside I haven't changed. I'm still here. I'm still waiting for you.

I just want to see you smile again. I just want to hear you laugh. I just want those blue, blue eyes to twinkle at one more inside joke, one more time – just like they used to.

Klaus, I'm blown away! Being blown away to a world of nostalgia…

Klaus:

I just want you to be safe.

No more blood. No more tears.

No more suffering for me.

Please.

When we were younger, you were my best friend. Those laughs we shared, those cheerful summer days...

I know when they stopped, really. That day, with hot air balloon, the crows and of course, Olaf. And now, here we are. Face to face. After all this time. Yet, I don't feel right.

Perhaps we just both grew up. Perhaps we grew apart.

Now, you're back. Aren't we supposed to love each other? Aren't we supposed to be long-lost, now reunited lovers… wern't you meant to come running into my arms, kissing me passionately on the lips whilst I lift you up and spin you around in joice and merriment?

When I think "I love you", I mean it. But I can't.

There's a brick wall between us, don't you understand? I may be the one building it, but I do not regret a single block. It's for your own good. Your own protection.

No more blood, no more tears, no more suffering.

Let me tell you something, right here, right now. There's a secret I've got, you see. You can't know what it is. No one can. At least, no one but Violet, Sunny and a certain girl with hideous triangle glasses. But I'll tell you this – if you get involved… with me… with me and this secret of mine… you'll never see happiness again, I swear.

I don't want that. I want you to be happy. I don't want to cost you anything more. You've given me enough.

But I can't help but reminisce and I can't help but hope. I can see the pain in your emerald eyes when I push you away, but you can't see the pain in mine. Don't be angry. I need to be a good actor. For your own protection.

I can't help but wonder, you know? Speculate what it might have been like if I could tell you everything. I can't help but wonder if I'd made the right choice.

I don't think I regret a single step I've taken, and if I were able to live it again, I would have done it all the same. But I can't help but wonder.

I wish there were no more secrets. I wish we could be young again. I wish I didn't have to keep running and hiding from you. But I have to.

In some ways, I almost regret this secret of mine. I should've run, gone into hiding. I shouldn't have let her capture me in my dreadful sate, a time when I was so emotional. Sunny had almost died, then there was betrayal, then there was the 'moment'. The moment I regret. But now that it has happened, I can't come back to your gracious, loving, welcoming arms. I can't let myself love you, I won't allow it. Not after what happened; it'd be unfair to you and I wouldn't be able to live with myself for it.

So even though, you think I'm being unreasonably cold towards you (I can see that you are now picking up the hints.) I have to leave you be. Because it wouldn't be fair...and I don't think you understand but...

I love you, Isadora. But I have to fight the nostalgia.

K, so...how was it? Please bear in mind that it is my first one shot so maybe I made it too short? I'm not used to this style of writing either, usually I'm more funny. 

Like I said before, I'm not used to this ite at all... So, if I've tagged anything wrong or something along the lines of that then please tell me :) It'd probably help if you could tell me how to change it too.

Is this site even for fanficiton?

Anyways, reviews? Compliments? I have spell&grammar checked this but, well, it isn't my strong point. If you do see any crucial mistakes then just write to me. So, all in all, tell me your thoughts!