As Plain As Black And White

2

I got up at 8:00 in the morning. I gotta be early for school. It's not real school but it's real to me cause it's all I Know. I put on some pants and shirt and headed towards the church. I saw Camille and we walked together.

"Good morning. How you feeling?"

"I'm okay. I don't feel anymore. It hurts in the moment, but momma said I got skin like Leather."

"Well that's good to hear." We giggled and skipped into the church. I sat next to Camille in a row that was almost full. School usually filled with kids who were babies when I was a kid. So I just look at them and think wow you've really grown.

If you're wondering how long I've been a slave. I've been a slave my whole 16 years of living. As you can see my skin is different. Momma says it's because I'm different. God didn't know what shade to make me because every shade is powerful. So he made me 2 shades. 2 times the power.

"Good morning my beautiful students."

"Good morning Ms. Lily." We said in unison. And this was the start of school. Like regular schools, we had expectations. We all knew Master didn't want us to be smart so we'd have to be quiet, listen and learn quickly. She'd give us homework and that was it.

After school, I'd go back to my bunk and go to sleep till Camille woke me up to go to work in the house for Master. But this day, Master wanted in the house before lunch so I went to sleep until the sun was in a Particular spot which meant it was about to be lunch time. So I stood up and quickly walked to his house. I opened the door and saw the Camille and Paul, the youngest son speaking.

"Oh Nasir. Hello." The boy ran to me. I love this little boy, his heart born pure. No hate. The person who he called mother hated him. Mostly because, he wasn't her's. He was Camille's. Master loves Camille. Everyone knows it but we're not allowed to speak about it. His "mother" knows it as well. She is embarrassed and she hates him but she can't do anything about it. I hugged Paul.

"How you doing little guy?"

"The question it how are you doing? From all them licks."

"Boy are you sure you're 5?"

"Yesum." We giggle.

"Now boy, you did your homework right?" Camille asks

"Yes momma, did you?"he leans in and whispers the last part

"Shh. Go play." She playfully smacks his back side with a handkerchief.

"That boy is beautiful."

"Thank you. I just wish He'd sleep with me from time to time but as long as he's safe." I nod. "Alright now. James is waiting for his lunch and he has his friends up there so remember don't listen to a damn thing they say bout you." I nod. I walk up the stairs with his tray in my hand.

I knock on his door and I keep my head down as someone opened the door.

"Oh look it's the weird looking nigger." What they say, I've just gotten used to. They don't hurt me no more. I saw James grow 1 year older then me and he ain't no better than myself. But I noticed he was at his desk, watching.

"I see new patches of white, are you tryna be like us. Filthy dog." His friends terrorized. I put the food down and try to leave but They closed the door and wouldn't let me.

"Look at you. Don't know if you want to be black or white. Just a confused Slave." I keep replaying what my momma said my skin means.

"Say something boy!" Finally James yelled Standing up, inches away from my face. I looked up at him an I can feel his hot breath upon my face. He stood taller than me and more muscular so I just stayed still, looking up at him. "Get outta here." He opened the door and I quickly left.

I went back downstairs and I wanted to cry to Camille but I know there would be no point. So I started on the Laundry. I thought about James. I don't know why but I though about how close it was. Why did I feel safe? Which is funny cause he could do the most harm to me if he wanted to. James and I have a history of not speaking to one another but he helped assist in punishing us.

I know he hates us by the way he looks at us. Every time I look at him he look his face is covered in a disgust expression. Like the smell of trash or a movement.. a bowel movement. I heard laughter behind me and I looked and saw James' friends leave the house and I hid behind a wagon out fear that they will see me. They cursed, insulted, then laughed.

I wanted to know how come I couldn't be like that. Why can't I be as cool as them? I try not to care like that but deep down I do. Cause in the end that's what makes me realize I'm still alive and human, my feelings. But then realization hit and I knew why I couldn't talk and walk like them. Do the things they do, or say the things they said. It's because Of my skin color. White people can do anything. Whereas I cannot.

I started to hang the clothes to dry. I hung Paul's on one line. The lady of the house and another. The master's on the 3rd line and I realized I hadn't washed any clothes for James.

I get on my knees by the well and I pray. I pray that I come out of his room without judgement and that I live to see another day. I gather my self and In to the house and up to his room.

I knocked on his room door and there was no answer. At least he's not in there. There is a god. I walk inside and gathered all the dirty clothes laying on the floor and threw them in a hamper. I picked up a shirt that was covering a book. I looked around and opened the book to a random page that had written words on it.

'He doesn't see me. He see's a monster. And the fact that when my father, is gone this house and farm will one day be mine, maybe what he see's is who I really am. I am a monster.'

"What are you doing?!" I dropped the book and picked up the shirt. I stood up and looked at James who was only wearing a white towel around his waist. I looked at the drop of water that came from his wet hair and dropped on his torso. The drop of water went from his chest and slowly made its way down and over the 6 squares that was engraved in his stomach and stopped at the towel. "Nasir!  Why are you looking at me like you're a homo or something?" I was speechless. I didn't know the answer but I did know that I wanted to watch where each of the water from his hair fall on his body. I knew this was dangerous yet I still wanted to watch.

"Speak boy." I opened my mouth and nothing came out. "Then I'll just go to my father." He made his way out his room.

"I was just doing laundry." I found the words to speak. He stopped and turned around.

"Excuse me?"

"L-laundry. I was doing laundry and noticed that your clothes weren't there so I came up and got your clothes. I'll just be on my way now." I tried to walk past him and I stopped when I saw his muscular arm stop right in front of my eye, blocking the door way. I licked my lips because I found my self thirsty and ready to quench my thirst with the water resting on his arm.

"When you are finished with Laundry come back to my room."  He emphasized on Laundry. I gulp and nodded waiting for him to move his arm.

When he finally did, I went past him and quickly went downstairs and outside. I was very uncomfortable with what I had on right now. It was fine before I went in but now it seems that the pants are too tight. I put the clothes down by the well and I looked at my pants and saw a huge bump on my private area.

I went behind the wagon and pulled down my pants and my private area was swollen. The only time I ever got these was when I first hit  puberty. But I rarely get them since then, why is it happening now?