Soliloquy Of A Boring Child

The Call

That guy was intriguing! He said a lot of things, some I bought and some I am still figuring. But what is it that I find so intriguing? Is that the way he talks about this world as a place full of unseen wonders filled with magic and splendour? Or is it because of the way he plays with his words making every word that comes out, sound like a man in his 80s revealing all he knew about life so that the world gets to know better? So that the world do commit mistakes but learn from where and how to pick it up and get it right 'cause doing mistakes- as he knows it- are inevitable.
I don't know if we will meet again 'cause I am not sure if I want to. Of course I like him. After all, he is already my favourite freaking person. But I don't want to meet him. A single thought of last night makes me sick. Yes, sick! It feels like when I am with him, I am inside out. I mean "who is he" ? Nobody should catch me off guard like that. Its too much information. It's like he knows too much about me than even I ever will know about myself. I wanted to leave the minute he said he knew why I stayed to talk to him. He said "because, music means to us the same as it means to a musician who already has four grammys! Its the way we find closure. Its the way we 'find the answers'. Its the way we seek the questions too. Its music that makes us so damn high and again so damn low. Its how you get in touch with those ugly- as that's what people like calling it- regrets you have. It's how you relive those mistakes you made, as if, you don't wanna let go of them. But that's good,good. Because that's how you reconcile with your true self." At that point I stopped looking at him and shifted my eyes to the stony ground, then at those ugly halogen lamp street lights,as we walked across the street. All I said after all those sibylline thoughts he put into long verses was - "well, you don't know that " and smiled awkwardly. He smiled back saying nothing much after that.
I think I should forget about yesterday. I really should. This guy is getting into me. In order to get mind off him, I opened my computer and chose that file that had all my movies and stuffs. I have been trying to watch this particular movie since long so I clicked at it instantly. And hence all I know is, in the next moment I was completely engrossed in it. The movie was - Unbroken. This is one hell of a movie, I kept saying that again and again to myself since it truly was. But then when all of it was coming to end, the movie played a song. The song.

That's the same song I kept singing all day long when I was head over heels in love. When I was in high school. I remember, three years back being introduced to it when 'my boy' told me what his favourite song was. How he confided in me by saying what this song meant to him. How he had never felt connected to anybody in this world but to this moment when he was talking to me with that song playing in his mobile, making the atmosphere all warm and kinda dreamy in that cold and chill of winter, at four in the morning. That's how I took that song up and started listening it, from everywhere to everywhere.
So without wasting any other moment in thinking about anything else, I picked up my phone and called Preston, my highschool sweetheart(that's what people call their highschool crush, though i have never used it before)who still gives me butterflies whenever I hear his name. The phone rings didn't give me much chills since there weren't many. He picked up almost instantly, though he didn't know it was my number anyways. But the second he said 'Hello', I recognized the voice almost instantly. It was like the world stood still. Like my blood was injected with adrenaline owing to my heart which was pumping blood as fast as that of an athlete in Olympics! Then the next moment I realized what I've done! What am I supposed to talk to a guy about after not being in touch for two years? And in all this daydreaming of mine I totally forgot he's still on line. He asked,"um, who's there? Well, I can hear you breathing". And then I thought I can't hang up now, I gotta say something, anything, even if its the worst possible thing in the world. And thus, I said- " Hey, its me. Nele. I know you must be wondering where was I all these years. And believe me I will be very thankful if you actually did 'wondered'. But even if you didn't then its fine, since we all have other, more important stuff to 'wonder' about. Well...... he interrupted me in between and said- " oh, wo, wo, Nele, how are you? And you, all of a sudden, what's the matter? " "Um, that's what I was going to tell you, its just that,ummm.....I just wanted to check if you were still alive. Ha Ha." (And that laugh was the weirdest of my life, let me assure you.) And then he said- "so, you call me in the middle of the night to lie to me? Um, interesting." Shit. I didn't know it was half past one already. "No problems though. I was kinda bored right now and calling me now, means you still remember that I am an insomniac and we did a lot of these nightly chats back then. Elephant's memory, huh?"
And then I reciprocated- "You are right. I was lying and I do have an elephant's memory. But not because I remember the things you said I do but because of reasons which might seem trivial to you. Its 'cause I came across that song you were swooning all over
back then. I just heard- 'Miracles'. This reminded me of you, and I hope you know why. But even if you don't, don't bother. I am sure you have better things to think about since nobody has as much free time as me. Nothing else. That's why I called." "Okay. Umm......uh...well, you said you called due to some reason very trivial but I don't see anything of that sort here really. A song that made you call me out of nowhere is humongous enough in its own little ways. But I hope the next time you call me, you just hit me up with a Hi, like you used to back then and that too without any reason at all. Can you...will you do that?" "Ah, alright. We will see to that. So, I am going to hang up now. Um..w..wa..wait! Um, I think you should know that I don't regret those times I wasted on you even when I knew it was gonna end nowhere. 'You' are a good guy. Stay the same. That was another thing I wanted to tell you tonight. Bye then." And with that I hung up and didn't even wait for him to say anything else 'cause I knew I have made it too awkward an environment for him to say anything. I don't know what this meant. But I knew I was somehow in peace with myself since I have forgiven him, nah, not him but myself for wasting a lot of time trying to complicate three lives at the same time. Wish I knew better back then. I wish I knew that we are sometimes supposed to let go of things for reasons larger than our-damned-own selves. But now I know and as they all say- its better late than never. Maybe that's what closure feels like. Yes, closure. And at that moment I realized it all started with a song. Perhaps, music truly means much more to me than I thought it did.

But that wasn't the last call of that night, let me assure you.