The Tattoo Affair || [Ambw]

Chp 11

[[A/N: POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ this chapter has murder, and suicide. But not really graphic.]]

~ S U N G J A E ' S    P O V ~

It's been a few weeks since the situation with Shan and that punk ass Rich. Shan feels a lot better but still has a few bruises on her face. But make up covers it well thankfully, I know how she is about her face...her being a model and all that. CJ told me if I'm really serious about Shan, I should tell her soon. That I should tell her about my life...my past. He's right. She deserves to know what she's getting herself into. I'm just scared. I'm scared that I'll lose her. I'm scared that she'll be scared of me. I'm scared she'll get angry and leave. I don't want her to judge me. I start thinking.....am I good enough for her? Can she do better than me? I've done very bad things in my life. But most of them, I didn't have a choice. I was only protecting myself and those close to me. Those ones I don't regret. But some of the bad things I've done, was from not being able to control my anger. And now that there's one more thing I have to do....although it's to protect her, I'm scared she'll hate me for it. I sigh and down this shot of whiskey. Shortly after, Shan walks in the door. She takes her shoes off at the door and hangs her purse on the coat rack.

Shan: "Hey baby."

I weakly smile at her and wave. She looks so angelic...but she's with me, a devil. But I'll be a devil, as long as that means she's safe and unharmed from now on. I'll do anything to make sure she's safe and happy. She's too precious. She walks up to the kitchen island where I'm sitting and wraps her arms around my neck, hugging me.

Shan: "Hey, what's on your mind babe? You look like you're in your head.."

I just look up at her for a minute. I start to rub my forehead with the palm of my hand. Dreading to tell her. But I know that I need to. She deserves to know. It's the right thing to do. I take a deep breath and down two more shots of whiskey. I start to pour another but she grabs my hand and takes the bottle out of it. She takes the bottle and glasses and sets them on the kitchen counter away from us.

Shan: "SungJae! Babe, what's goin on?"

She hugs me again and kisses my lips. I gently pull away from her. I groan out of frustration and place my hand on her lower back walking her into the living room with me. I sit on the couch and place her on my lap.

Me: "Baby, I have to tell you something...but I'm scared...I'm never scared of anything....but I'm scared to lose you.."

I bury my head into her shoulder.

Shan: "Babe as long as you're honest with me, I'm not going anywhere...unless you're cheating on me I swear I-" I instantly cut her off.

Me: "Jagi...I will never cheat on you. You don't have to worry about that."

She smiles.

Shan: "Then what is it?"

Me: "It's about my life and my past. Shan, I'm not this perfect good guy you may think I am..I've done things. Horrible things."

She grabs my hand.

Shan: "Babe you can tell me..

I sigh once again and squeeze her hand.

Me: "You won't judge me?"

She shakes her head.

Shan: "I won't judge you SungJae. I promise."

You say that now but.....

Ugh. Here it goes. The part I dread. Just get it over with.

Me: "Shan...I was an assassin. Back in South Korea. I was trained when I was only 10 years old. Before that, My mother made us take jiu jitsu and taekwondo classes. I became black belt in both after a few years. I was taught how to aim and shoot guns and learned about different types of swords and how to use them. My father and his people trained me. My father was the best of the best. The first time I killed someone was when I was 14. I didn't have a choice. I had to protect myself. Although some people I killed by choice. Some people me and my brother went after, before they came after us. Some people I killed for just threatening my family. And some we were just assigned to kill. That night I face timed you and showed you my tattoos....I skipped talking about the ones on my thighs. The red tally marks. Well, each tally mark represents each life I took. Growing up, it was just me, my mother, and CJ. We were told that our father was on business trips all the time. After training, my father came back. I learned he was gone because he didn't want our lives put in jeopardy while untrained. My mother was already skilled. She basically became a part of this life shortly after she met my father. She also didn't have a choice. She loved my father so much, when she found out who he was, instead of leaving and throwing in the towel, she did what she had to do to learn how to protect herself. She wasn't an assassin, but only protected herself when it was needed. Until one day."

-flashback-
I was in school. High school. Junior year. The bell rang, school was over for the day. When I got home, I noticed drops of blood in the hallway leading upstairs. My breathing became heavy. As I was about to make my way down the hall to where the blood led to, my father came out of the room. Hands covered in blood. Eyes red as if he was crying. He looks distraught. I start asking him why there's blood leading to their room, why his hands were covered in blood, where eomma was. There were men that broke into the house while eomma was there alone. They were there for my father. But he wasn't home. So they murdered my mom as a message for him. When he got home, she was still alive but barely. He was trying to save her. But it was too late. They took her from us. I wasn't able to protect her. Because I was in school. I hated school after that. I dropped out. I was scared that the next time I went to school, they would target another family member of mine. I became very angry after she was murdered. I was angry at the people that were responsible, but I was also angry at myself. Because i wasn't there to protect her. I failed her. I think Appa felt the same as I did. He wasn't the same after that. He became more quiet. But he would always have me promise him to protect those around me.

The next year, he was getting dressed up in a very clean, fresh tuxedo. He was so happy. Too happy. He told me to promise to always protect myself and anyone that is dear to me. He kept stressing that to me. I promised. He hugged me and patted my back. He had his drivers waiting outside to take me somewhere. He told me to go out while he has dinner with eomma. There were two plates with dinner on the table across from one another. I thought he just needed to properly grieve and wanted to do that in peace. So I didn't think much of it. Before I fully walked out the door, he told me he loved me and I made him proud. I smiled and nodded my head before leaving out the door. After closing the door behind me, I walked up to the car and stopped. I started to think. I started to put pieces together. His behavior was a little odd, he was way too 'happy'. He was dressed the best he ever dressed. I looked at my phone and realized it was him and eomma's anniversary. Then it hit me. "You made me proud." The word 'made'...past tense. My eyes grew wide and I turned back around and started running back towards the door. Just as my mouth opened to get ready to yell out to him...BANG! I stopped and froze where I was standing. My father shot himself in the head at the dinner table. He was happy because he was going to be with eomma. I got this rose tattoo on my neck as a way of laying my father to rest. I never visited his grave. I couldn't bring myself to do it. We'd always go to my mother's and grandparent's graves and lay a rose every month. But I never did it for him. I just couldn't go. I couldn't..I didn't want to see the headstone. The day he left me killed me all over again. I became emotionless for awhile. Some months after, me and CJ moved here to America. Dee let us crash at his place until we found places of our own. It's been 6 years now.

-end of flashback-