Forgetting Me

[ a l o n e ]

"Oh June, you're gonna love it here" Nora says as I placed the last box on my new bed. I gave her a tight lipped smile and a small nod then shifted my gaze on the aforementioned box. Nora pursed her lips, sensing my mood.

I wasn't sure what to feel about that so I kept quiet.

My new room was rolled up with cream colored walls with a vanity table at the right corner. It was practically empty aside from the luggages, the boxes that stacked haphazardly around the room and me with Nora by the door frame. My room had a window that showed me the neighborhood that was lined up with houses that was occasionally framed with trees. Then I suddenly noticed the canvas standee by the window that was neatly folded. I forgot what they call those but I was fascinated with the woodwork that timidly stood as it bathed in gold sunlight. I loved painting and I never got a hand of one of those but now I that I have one, I thought I'd be much more enthusiastic about it but I wasn't.

I couldn't feel my smile nor any excitement.

"We got it for you, June" Nora said, seeing me gazing upon the standee "Your mom always talked about you and your love for art whenever we can" I can sense her smile in her tone but I stood still, totally unfazed.

"Oh" I glanced up to her with passive eyes then looked at my iconic cat socks "Thanks, Nora" I murmured to her. I wanted to be thankful to her but I just can't at the moment.

I hear her steps but I didn't dare glance up. I felt her big warm arms take me in. "Oh, June" she cried and I didn't do anything "I'm so sorry"

"It's okay Nora, thanks for taking me in" I tried to smile but it came out strained. Her beautiful aged face was now brimming with tears as grief stretched her face.

But I didn't cried nor did anything.

"June, it's okay to talk to me, you know? I'm always here" she said with a little pleading tone but I couldn't. I refused to say anything linking to that matter. I vowed to myself to never ever say anything.

"Yeah, I know. Thanks Nora. I just need some time alone I guess" was the only thing I could say.

"Yes, yes. Of course. I'll be downstairs okay? College's coming but we have summer to recover, right?" She asked with a soft gentle smile as she cups my face, staring in my eyes with hope.

I didn't do anything but give a tight lipped smile.

She nods and gave me a strained smile. "I'll go now, later June" she hugs me one more time before leaving the room.

I walked around the room and reached for my backpack and fished my phone out. I was desperate for to talk to my old friends back from my old place. I was so guilty and sad to leave my friends back at home.

Home.

Where is home? After losing everything, I couldn't really tell where. After losing everything I wanted to blame everyone and everything but I know I can't and it'll be selfish and inconsiderate of me to do so.

So who's for me to blame? Me.

Stop. Not now, I shouldn't go down the memory lane. So I breathe in slowly and tapped the blue dialogue bubble icon and wished that they were still online. I wanted to see them, I was so lost, scared and lonely that I refused to trust anyone here. I plugged my earphones in and waited their response for the video chat.

"Hi Corrine!" "Corri!" Two dark haired girls greeted rather too enthusiastically that made me wince for using earphones. Their faces were a mixture of happy and worry that it made me teary and weakly smile.

"Guys" I croaked out and the tears flowed. I miss them so much it hurt seeing them.

I hated it; feeling something never gave me something so comforting but an ache with a gaping hole in my chest. I hated being far from the only two people I trust, I hated staying a billion miles away from them, I hated life for being so unfair, I hate my mom, my dad, my brothers and myself.

"Hey... what's wrong? Why you cryin'?" Yuan said worriedly and I knew if she was here with me, she'd give me a big hug. But she isn't and it'll be a long time before I can hug her again.

"Yuan... Dani... I can't — I just... I... I..." I croaked out. I was batshit scared; I was somewhere with no one I can really talk to while being completely comfortable about it.

I was alone and miserable.

"Hey, dude, it's okay." Dani smiled at me gently "know that we're here for you whatever happens, okay? You're still on vacation, right? Go out! Walk around, explore, make friends! It'll be alot harder if you don't have any pals there!" Dani gently says and I shake my head furiously.

Oh my god socializing. Such a horrible thing.

I wasn't good at meeting new people; I'd always shy away. What more to make friends? Especially someone like me? That'll be wishful thinking. Knowing this, Dani sighed.

"But Corri, you've got to at least try, y'know? We know you suck at socializing but you have to at least make one friend!" Dani exclaimed worriedly at me through the phone. Despite of the poor graphics I can still see her worrisome face.

And it goes on that way; Dani pestering me about friends and stuff while Yuan kept on and on about me being able to do it. I just nodded my way out of the conversation until I was able to change the damn topic.

"So... how's it there...?" And immediately their faces fell. I wince at their reaction, instantly regretting asking such a dumb question. "Sorry, never mind. I'm such a dumb shit I-"

"No, it's okay Corri" Yuan smiled weakly while the guilt I felt increases ten fold. "Everything's still horrible here as per usual. Mom's...not yet found and we're planning to move back from the city for awhile"

"You're leaving?" Dani asked, shock written all over her face. "Hala gago, ba't hindi mo sinabi? Great! I'm all by my-fucking-self!"

"No, Dani-" But before Yuan can say a thing, Dani left the video call with a blank beep.

Yuan turned to me with sad eyes and I couldn't handle it. We were all suffering because of some crap that happened and there's nothing we can do about it. I wish I could've done something to help them. But I couldn't; even more with this great divide.

"Go get her, Yuan" and she nods then ending the chat and once again I was all by myself.

Well, I shouldn't really complain.

I was alone the whole time anyway.