Forgetting Me

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I took my camera and my notebook and shoved them in my backpack. After wearing my ankle boots I dashed downstairs.

"Oh? June? Where're you going?" Nora asks me as she places a couple of toasts in the breakfast table. I took two and placed the other one in a ziplock. "I'll just walk around the place I guess. See where I'm staying" I answered her as I walked to the fridge to fetch my tumblr.

"Take care, okay?" She shouts when I jogged to the front door with a bread in hand.n

"Okay!" And with that, I left the house.

Seeing LA up close was sort of a dream to me. Well, to be honest, I've always wanted to leave my country when I was younger. It wasn't just a dream or a goal for me but I also wanted to escape the cringe worthy people and bad management my country has. I've decided that I would study well enough to pull myself out there. Anywhere would do except my country.

But now it seemed like the tables had turned.

I heaved a sigh and continued towards the bus stop. Google map said that there was a library around the corner. After dropping off and walking the directions google, my friend, showed me; I reached the library. 'Buena Vista Branch Library' said the title of the establishment.

I picked a spot that wasn't too disturbing- even though there's minimal people during ten am- to take a picture of the building and try to sketch it at Nora's house later. After a couple more shots from different angles, I head inside.

You'd think I'd take some pictures inside but I won't and instead I took my notebook out and placed my camera in before taking a seat. I was making some sort of story that was dated back in the nineties and I needed reference and by references I wanted old smelling papers to tell me what was hit and the culture back then.

Or maybe I just wanted the smell of books because I needed a breather from paints

I flipped through an album of pictures that dated nineties something something, I was checking out the fashion back then because you know, comic reference.

You're wondering I bet, why I'm suddenly at peace. No, I'm not. This is actually my attempt to move on and feel at peace with myself. 'Maybe if I write it all out it'll help' or 'maybe if I draw it all out, it will.' You get my point?

As I was sketching some women in their flannels and long skirts that accentuated their curves, I remembered my mom. She had the physique of a model. In her prime years, everybody told her she was sexy and beautiful but she kept humble about it and laughed with them after making a joke of herself.

Did she dressed the same?

How did she dressed back then?

Did she had a lot of suitors?

Was she...

I groaned internally. I dropped my pencil and washed my face with my hands. This is horrible. I couldn't move on with me keep on going on and on having a single U-turn from the past. All the damn time. Why did I have to survive when I'm just a waste of space?

I wasn't religious like my mom. She should have lived insead of me.

I wasn't a good person like my bigger brother. He could have helped a lot of other people than me.