i sat at lunch, my appetite was nothing almost. i didn't eat much anymore, my thoughts were consumed and they filled me up. regardless, i had to eat. but it was irregular. i ate a sandwich then didn't eat for three days. i was borderlining anorexia, but it didn't matter much to me. if i died, it'd be somewhat of a relief. if i live, then i was to live. i'd die when the time was to come and that time didn't matter much to me. you find yourself sitting alone a lot. at least i do. this first week after my first breakup, my friends deserted me. they were too blinded by their envisions of love to realize how badly damaged i was. but it didn't matter much to me. their idea of love was drinking till their names were forgotten then fucking until the the daylight shone. my best friend, cassidy, already had her third kid last week and she was a senior, only. she neglected her kids, tossed them to some random family member for them to care for then fucked until she had another kid. her boyfriend was a complete tosser, but she couldn't see that beside she was too busy having his cock shoved into her mouth. she disgusted me to the point that i couldn't even function when she attempted to rebuild our 'friendship'. she just needed a designated driver to her next massive rave. it wasn't that she actually gave a shit about me, it's just she needed something i could provide. i had a car, i had a lisence, she didn't because each time she took her test she was either higher than the empire state or as drunk as a lonely sailor. poor little cassidy used to want to be a ballerina and now she is a addicted, drunk mother of three at the age of 18.
"hey cassie" she slurred.
"what the hell do you want?" i said, fury blending within my words.
"chill, damn. you're so icy lately. what the fuck is up with you?" she said, her eyes struggling to focus, properly.
"well at the moment, you." i said, the fury was lingering.
"you know? what happened to the cass i knew?" cassidy looked at me, puzzled.
"she died." i said, before rising from my seat.
cassidy struggled to stand and then she tried to walk towards me. i picked up my lighter and took a cigarette out of my purse. i put it in my mouth, walked out the door, sat on a bench and smoked the cigarette in my mouth.
"hey, can i bum one?" cassidy asked.
"no. fuck off." i said, as coldhearted as possible.
"what the hell?" cassidy said, slowly.
"piss off, you heard me." i said, looking at the trees and the wind cradling the leaves as the tumbled downward.
"tell ya what. i know this lonely virgin boy who can treat you a good time. now c'mon. he'll fix ya right up, cassie cass." cassidy said, putting her hand on my head.
"do you know what fuck off means or is your brain to fucking fried to comprehend shit?" i said, tossing a pen at her face.
"you're such an uptight bitch." cassidy rose from the seat.
I pulled my middle finger up and she began to stumble away. where she sat, there was a paper with a number on it. it read "harry the virgin - 3521632000"
i rolled my eyes and put the paper in my bag. i stood up before the bell for 6th period rang.
