When the Sun Stops Shining

Chapter Thirty: The Notebook

As Hinata had expected, Kageyama was standing behind the sheds, blowing smoke into the air as per usual. It was a surprise that he hadn't been busted by any C.Os yet, actually. But since they were understaffed, they were only standing about in the areas where there were more inmates. Hardly anyone went near the sheds, so there were almost never C.Os around there.

Hinata finally opened his lips and mustered a loud "Hi!"

Kageyama turned to face Hinata, who was knitting his fingers together. In response, Kageyama blew out smoke. Right in Hinata's face. Oh. Hinata stepped back. His eyes were beginning to water; he wanted to cough. So, he did. He let out a cough, one which rattled his sore ribcage. Hinata had been running on the track every day, which had greatly improved his healing, but he still had a long way to go before he was fully recovered.

"I know you're angry at me. I'm sorry. But... I was wondering how you are!" Hinata had to resist the urge to slap himself. He sounded way too happy. He was trying too hard, he knew that.

"To borrow your words, I feel like an injured puppy." Kageyama's eyes were wide and empty. One certain kanji popped up in Hinata's mind. A kanji that meant sky, but it also meant empty; void. That was the best way to describe how Kageyama's eyes were right now. He looked skinnier than Hinata remembered. When Hinata had arrived, Kageyama hadn't been exactly muscular. But now, he looked like he could simply melt into the back of the shed wall.

"Can I nurse you back to health, then? It's my turn to play doctor."

"I don't get you." Kageyama puffed out some more smoke, this time making an active effort to avoid blowing it into Hinata's face. "You come to me, you talk to me but then you push me away. Make up your mind. Do you give a fuck or not?"

"It's not that simple."

"Well, I don't want to talk right now. I'm tired." Hinata knew that Kageyama wasn't talking about physical exhaustion. He was mentally exhausted. It was clear in the way he warily lifted his arm up to take a puff of his cigarette; in the way he slowly turned to face the sky above him. It was dark, cloudy. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen the sun, even though it was nearing the end of May.

"It was Tendou."

"Eh?" Kageyama's eyes were on Hinata's once again, scrutinising the small volleyball ace. "What about him?"

"The C.O. who... hurt me," Hinata quietly admitted. "It was Tendou. Something about me reminded me of Ushijima, so... he chose to use me. I was ashamed, so I didn't want to talk about it."

Kageyama sighed. "You made it clear you don't want anything to do with me. Why are you telling me this?"

"I'm sorry." Hinata clamped his hands around Kageyama without warning, startling the sniper. Kageyama pushed the orange-haired man off him without hesitation, taking several steps away.

"Don't," he snapped harshly. "Don't touch me like that." The only person who had ever been granted the privilege of hugging the sniper had been his mother, back when she'd been alive. Kageyama wasn't going to let this man just come and comfort him whenever he decided that it was convenient.

"Wait, Kageyama."

"I don't have any interest in you anymore. Leave me alone." Kageyama would've walked inside, but he'd only made it halfway through his menthol cigarette. He wanted to at least finish it before going inside.

"Fine. Take this, then. Please." Hinata was holding out a small notebook to Kageyama. "I bought it from commissary."

Kageyama took the notebook into his hands. On the cover was written 'Note Notebook'. Kageyama raised an eyebrow at the title, noted the kanji which had been written with completely messed up stroke orders and the colour itself, dark blue. He opened it up. There, Hinata had written a short summary in his scrawled handwriting.