Diary Of The Unappreciated

Who am I

What is a person? Or maybe the more fitting question is what defines a person. I mean what in a person defines who they are? Their soul, spirit or eshe? Or is it their being that makes them who they are?

Now the reason I'm asking this is because I have recently been asked a seemingly normal question with a deceivingly hard answer; "Who Are You?" Now the typical normal person, and almost all the other not so normal people, would either give their name, question the "interrogator's" – for lack of a better word – motive or deliver a smart ass remark. Though not me, no. I, for some unexplainable reason, chose that precise moment to fully wander the depths of my mind searching for the unknown and finding the unexpected.

For some unexplainable reason, I chose that precise moment to exit the shallow side of my pool f knowledge and take a swim in its depths. During this psychological expedition I must have appeared rude to my interrogator for they cleared their throat and death-stared me indicating that that particular question was asked more times than that of which they would prefer. I ended up giving my name and hoped to find the shallowness of the pool once more but it has been a while since the depth has had its claws on me and this time, it wasn't letting go.

I kept pondering on that question as if it had the secret of life itself concealed inside it and I believe that in some way, it might... I mean, what determines who you are? One's name is nothing more than a label or a designation. Some might say it plays a part in the makings of you. 'For you see, each name has a meaning and each and every person either tries or naturally lives up to their name.' That right there was someone's argument when I asked them the forbidden question and personally I must say that that is a load of crap!

A person is given their name – sometimes even before – but mostly after they are born. Now I know words have power but unless those words, names, are spells being cast by non-fictional wizards, I doubt that a name can imprint itself on its host and somehow chisel the host's future in stone, 'forcing' said host to live up to its name. If by any chance that you do live up to your name, it is wholly and purely either coincidental or because something, whatever it may be, is defining what or who you are and by default how you act, move or say things.

Religious people will argue that that something that determines your being, how you move and what you do is whatever or whomever god they worship. Theists and atheists will argue that it is something of a higher being living on a celestial plane unseen to the mundane eye. Now I am not stepping or trumping on anyone's religion or belief my dear readers, no. I am just mentioning every and all possible perspectives at which this issue can be looked at.

Now scientists, especially neurologists, will say something along the lines of;" Each and every individual was created by the joining of two bodies. Everything ranging from likes and dislikes to physical and mental abilities of an individual is determined by a Protein-based code written inside the individual's body and during his making. Now this code of course id based on the parents' code and whichever of the parents' likes and dislikes is more dominant will be the main like and or dislike inside the new-born individual's being. In short, the person consists out of code and it is the mixture of their predecessor's codes that determine who the individual is."

A truly interesting view but unfortunately not one I can wholly accept. There must be more to me than just Protein-based code and I would love to think that it is I who determines my own future and that it is not already paved out for me and I am unknowingly walking it to its end. I am not looking for some unexplained scientific reason but I am also not looking for some celestial deity controlling my all and every move. All I am looking for is an indication that there is something deep and mystical that could be the answer to the oh so wretched question;

Who Am I? 

---Wolf