Harry Potter

Holiday Cheer

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CHAPTER TWELVE
Tentative Christmas
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Harry's only solace, as she watched her friends trek down to the train station with all the other students off for the holidays, was that she could distract herself with their still incomplete search for Flamel. The weather was bleak, the sky looking to let loose some form of precipitation at any moment, and she herself did not feel that much better. No matter how she tried, there was still an inkling of bitterness within her that would not disappear. It was a typical sort of episode where Harry was reminded what the Dursleys had taken from her life and suddenly renewed her fervent dislike for them. Not at all unusual considering how long she had lived with them, reliant and subject to their every whim.

But Hogwarts had become something of a safe place. It was one the Dursleys could never touch, no matter how they reached. And Harry did not want thought of them to taint the castle. So she resolved to distract herself as much as possible during the break, ignoring the pang in her chest that sprung when her friends finally left her line of vision.

The castle's corridors seemed colder with no one at her side. Nary a sound could be heard what with only just under thirty students left within Hogwarts' walls. Harry was able to walk all the way from the entrance to the library without seeing a single soul. And the only one she saw then was Madam Pince. It seemed the rest of the students were actually making use of their time off.

She quietly retrieved the next books in her stack and took them with her to a table in the back, then set to reading. Before long, Harry's attention was drifting back to her friends and how she already missed them. She blinked angrily and forced herself to reread what she had just read. Her mind wandered again, going against direct orders to pay attention no matter how many times she issued them. Finally, at the peak of frustration, she slammed the book shut, picked up her checked out pile, and stomped out of the too silent room, heedless of Madam Pince's threatening hisses.

Harry's feet lead her down towards the dungeons, in the direction of the Slytherin common room, until she changed her mind and stormed off to choose a random alcove to sit in instead. She dropped down with nearly enough force to cause herself injury and angrily opened the book back up. The change of scenery did not help, unfortunately. Her mind was still going back to her friends without her permission. Frustrated beyond belief, Harry stared determinately at the page as her eyes began stinging and then watering. The words blurred until she couldn't have read them even if her mind was on task. She removed her glasses and scrubbed furiously at her eyes, but it did no good. Now that she was alone, her emotions were bubbling out of her, and she was just so— lonely, sad, tired.

She knew she should not be so dependent. Harry had spent ten years with only herself to rely on. She had always been her own strength, knowing she had to be smart and fast if she wanted to make it. But somehow, between experiencing kindness and support from other people, even against respected persons such as professors, Harry had succumbed to a certain sort of dependency. It was like discovering magic all over again; there was the joyous, innocent discovery, and then the brutal reminder that she could not have nice things. And now that Harry had remembered, she would never forget. Just as she had been henceforth skeptical of magic and it's highlights, now she would always recall the feeling of being left alone when she looked to her friends.

And that was really why she was crying.

The first few days of the break passed quietly. Of the few remaining students at the school, she was one of only two Slytherins remaining, so she was mainly left alone. Meals were a chore, hosted in the Great Hall at one combined table for students and staff. (She had no idea what Dumbledore had been thinking, instating such a change when Snape had stayed at the school. McGonagall did not seem to care for the arrangement either.) The other students firmly ignored her, but the Headmaster seemed determined to push Harry together with someone. He was always chatting at her, or attempting to get others to do so. Obviously he was not very perceptive, or he would have picked up that she neither cared for his efforts nor wanted the company. Amusingly enough, Snape often seemed to be in the same boat.