The Missing Pieces Of An All American Girl

Chapter 13

Chapter 13

As summer slowly came to an end, I made the most of my time. I stayed many nights at Jammie's house making out into the night when his parents weren't home and going to parties with Madison and Brittany. Sometimes the four of us would go to parties together, but Jammie nearly always ended up leaving due to an incident that took place upon my first intoxication. One night, shortly after I began drinking, we all went to a party at Madison's cousin, Sydney's, home home and I had more alcohol that I'd ever drank at a time. I was new to drinking alcohol, but when Sydney dared me to beat her drinking an entire bottle of beer, the deal was on. My friends and boyfriend screamed "CHUG, CHUG, CHUG" as I finished the entire bottle before Sydney and wiped my mouth with the back of my free hand.

"Sure that's your first time doing that?" Sydney asked as she lit a cigarette and placed it in between her lips that were covered in black lip stick. Sydney was the type of person that would strike you as odd. She was kinda pretty, but her black lip stick, dark steaked hair, along with dark colored clothes she always wore gave her this dark and mysterious vibe.

"Yea, it actually was," I said as I laughed a little too loud. I was beginning to feel warm and slightly dizzy as I looked around the room and coughed from inhaling the smoke from Sydney's cigarette. My friends congratulated me with hugs and Jammie planted a kiss on my forehead before whispering in my ear that he was proud of me. I felt pretty darn accomplished until the next few hours passed in a blur.

"WHAT WAS THAT SHAKIRAH!" Jammie yelled as I opened my eyes the next morning. When I tried to sit up, a sharp pain went through my head and I was forced to lie back down as I sighed in pain. Jammie was clearly upset as he stood next to the bed with reddened bucked eyes and a very unhappy face. "What are you talking about?" I asked as I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to focus on his as I pushed a few strands of my curly hair behind my ears. I was apparently in Madison's room based on the room that was splashed in pink and smell of Japanese Blossom. "What you did last night!" He added as he threw his hands in the air over frustration.

"Oh my God, you are so not mad at me for drinking alcohol when you were cheering me on as I drank it!" I exclaimed.

"I don't care about you drinking the alcohol okay? But why did you have to kiss my friend Johnathan huh?!?! Tell me that!

"I did not kiss Johnathan!" I hissed in defense through clenched teeth. Of all the things I've ever done in my life until that point, I knew I wasn't a flirt. At that time, I just knew Jammie was the love of my life and I wouldn't have done anything to destroy our relationship.

"Actually you did," Madison said as she stepped into the room. "She had a bit too much to drink Jammie. You act like she deliberately wanted to kiss your teammate. Honestly he ain't even that hot," she added as she rolled her eyes.

I was so confused. Everyone was saying I did something shameful that I had absolutely no memory of doing and my head still ached. Jammie lightened his frown, but his eyes still scolded me as he backed away and scratched the back of his neck. "Get your butts in here! Breakfast is ready!" Brittany yelled from downstairs. Still mad at me, Jammie scoffed and marched right through the door as I struggled to get out of bed and stand on my feet. "He's not that much of an ass, he's just upset and thinking about what people will think," Madison said with a smile as she helped me support myself before I could fall onto my face. "A lot of people witnessed what happened last night ya know...," she said with a pause as if she was going to say something else. Instead of saying what should've been said, we walked downstairs and seated ourselves at the table with Jammie and Brittany. For a split second, Jammie's eyes met mine and I could no longer feel the warmth radiating from them. All I could feel was anger and coldness as he continued to eat his breakfast burrito.

By the time I finished eating breakfast along with a cup of cinnamon spice tea, I was strong enough to stand on my feet and focus my eyes on the world around me. Jammie was understandably quiet, but for some reason my friends were just as quiet as he was as they scrolled through their phones throughout the afternoon. Brittany eventually passed out in a deep slumber on the opposite end of the sofa from me as slobber leaked from the corner of her mouth. Gross, I thought as I shook my head and headed to the restroom. Just as gross as I am, I thought as a starred at the girl in the mirror. I was dressed in one of Jammie's t-shirts and a pair of Madison's pink sweat pants. Determined to do something to my tangled hair, I grabbed Madison's brush from the sink and began to brush the tangles from my loosely coiled hair. Just as I finished brushing out my hair, Brittany's phone vibrated on the sink and nearly fell onto the floor. She sure has a lot of Facebook notifications, I thought to myself as I unlocked her phone and opened Facebook. The very moment Facebook opened, I regretted my very existence. There was a video of me leaning over and kissing Jammie's friend Johnathan as the crowd whooped, hollered, and cheered me on. "The Muslim girl has officially gone wild!" the cameraman screamed as I looked into the camera with a smile and resumed kissing Johnathan with false passion. Jammie yelled something and pulling me off Johnathan as our lips abruptly parted. "That's not fair Jammie!" I slurred as Brittany yelled at the cameraman to turn stop filming me. I puked all over my clothes as I sat on the ground and ranted about how much I loved Johnathan and wished I hooked up with him instead of Jammie. I watched myself in absolute terror as I forced myself to finish watching the girl I refused to call myself. "She's such a Muslim whore!" someone yelled as they threw an empty can of beer towards me. "No! I'm NOT a whore!" I screamed aloud as I ran into the living room where Madison and Jammie were both glued to their cell phones.

"Why? Why... Why didn't you say something?" I asked Madison as she starred at my with lack of sympathy. Jammie glanced at me for a split second and turned his eyes away before I could actually read his feeling. "I told you that you kissed Johnathan and that you had a bit too much to drink," she said with a nonchalant shrug as she sipped from a bottle of water. "What the hell did you want me to say?" she breathed with a smirk as she rolled her eyes. "You laughed at me Madison!" I exclaimed breathlessly. I felt hurt, betrayed, filthy, but most of all, I felt emptiness. The hurt I felt was so deep that I couldn't process my thoughts. All I knew was that I had to get out of Madison's house and away from those people. "I'm sorry Jammie, I am so so sorry," I whispered as I lowered my head in shame so nobody could see my tears streaming from my face. I bolted from the door not knowing where I was going or what I wanted to do. When Brittany finally woke up and came to the door screaming for me to come back inside. Just as I ran away from home, I ran from people who were important to me and refused to look back in fear of what would happen next.

When I began gasping for air like a fish out of water, I knew I had to stop running so that I could catch my breath and finish the short walk to my grandmother's house a few blocks away. As I slowed my speed, something that hit me that had never dawned upon me before: I no longer stole the spotlights walking through the town of Shaw. Just a few months earlier, the eyes of the commuters followed me wherever I went. Some of their eyes were hateful, some smiled, but most were curious and didn't know how to react. It feels great to no longer stand out, I thought as my grandmother's house came into view. A big pick-up truck was there and there was an awfully tremendous heap of trash next to the road. My transition to becoming the "All American Girl," girl seemed to be going great...mostly. My arms and legs had gotten quite a nice tanning from constant exposure to sunlight. When I was a practicing Muslim, all of my skin stayed the same caramel brown year around except my face and back of my hands because they were the only exposed parts of my skin. I had completely diverted from the head scarf and complete covering of my body and vouched for short shorts and spaghetti string or sleeveless shirts. I was beautiful and I knew it. Boys starred at my slender legs and well-proportioned body and weren't afraid to give hints that they liked what they saw. Jammie had always told me that I was beautiful, but this was something different. I loved the attention men gave me for being beautiful. I had Jammie's heart and treasured it dearly, but I simply craved the attention from males of all ages. One thing I discovered was that wanting attention from men wasn't based upon how you dressed, it was based on the character of the person. Brittany dressed the same as Madison and me, but unlike us, she didn't dress for attention. She dressed in whatever she felt that would look good on her.