The Missing Pieces Of An All American Girl

Jamie Matthews

"Shakirah!" a voice whispered from behind me as I walked from the library on the right side of the hall. Shaw High School being Shaw High School, students were to walk on the right side of the hall and use one set of stairs to go up stairs and use another set of stairs to go down stairs. Since I was the only Muslim girl in the school and the other students pretty much treated me as an outcast; I knew it could be no one other than the most annoying boy in the world, Jammie Mathews. "Whose homeroom are you headin' to babe?" he asked as he caught up with me. "How about none of your business?" I replied after turning to face him. "How about you tell me?" he retorted with a mischievous grin. With that, I turned on my heels and walked to my homeroom class grinning to myself to suppress a giggle. I could sense Jammie's eyes scanning me as I walked through the bustling hall full of juniors and seniors heading to class or chatting to friends. "You left your instrument in my class when you were here for second block," Mrs. Anderson called from her desk as I entered the room. "Thank you for telling me! I forgot all about it!" I exclaimed as I hurried to and grabbed my clarinet's case from the floor next to my desk. "No problem!" she responded as she reverted her eyes back to her laptop. I sat in my desk and opened my clarinet's case to be sure everything was in place. My clarinet seemed to greet me as her keys glistened at me under the bright light. Noticing that all her parts were there along with her reeds, cork grease, and cleaning towel, I closed the case, zipped it shut, and placed her over my shoulder using her case's strap. "Thirty minutes of homeroom!" I sighed as I folded my arms and rested my head upon them. By the time I made myself comfortable and began drifting off to sleep, I heard the sliding of a chair next to me and my eyes flew open with alertness. "So your homeroom teacher is the same as your second block teacher?" he asked as he slid into the desk. "Um, I guess it is," I said with a mumble as I lowered my head in shyness. Being raised as a religious Muslim girl, I've never been so close to a guy and it was making us me uncomfortable. "So why don't you go to lunch?" he asked. "What?" I asked although I'd heard him clearly. "I never see you at lunch anymore," he said a bit louder. "Everytime I see you after lunch you're always coming from the library," he added. "Oh! That's coz' I'm fasting and I don't eat lunch," I said as my face grew warm from the lie I told. "You mean it's because you're too shy to hang around your peers?" he asked as his right eyebrow rose as if it was asking me the same question. "Well...kinda...but I do fast so that's my main reason," I replied with a diffident smile. "Thought Muslims fast in Ramadhan?" he asked with his eyebrow expression deepening. I chewed my lower lip to keep from smiling at the handsomeness of his features as my face began to grow warmer. Sensing my reactions he sang, "Shaaaaaakirah! Iiiits not Raaamadhan!" With that, I exploded into a fit into a fit of giggles as I covered my mouth so that my gapped teeth weren't visible. "You should feel much better now, he said as he stood up from his desk and slid it back in place. "Why do you say that? Where are you ngoing?" I asked as my smile immediately faded from my face. "I know you enjoyed my company but I have to get back to my homeroom before I get ISS for skipping it to spend time with you," he said as he walked away with a smile. "But you didn't explain what you meant by what you just said!" I called as he walked away to chat with his friend. "My shi* is workin!" he said to his friend, Sean, as they bumped fists. Uh-oh! Get her boy!" Sean replied as they both laughed at me rolling my eyes. "She playin' hard to get right now, but she'll give up soon!" Jammie said with a wink in my direction. I covered my face with my hands in embarrassment because I was indeed playing "hard to get" although I melted every time I saw him. Before I could die of embarrassment, the bell rang and it was time to head to third block. I leaped from my desk, grabbed my backpack from the floor in front of the class, and raced out of the door before Jamie and Sean could crack another joke. I wasn't in a hurry to get to third block, but at least I'd be able to stop by the restroom on my way there to splash cold water over my face to get rid of the constant growth of warmth. Before splashing my face with water, I starred at my reflection in the mirror on the wall above the sink and wondered what on Earth just happened. As I look back over the events of that day, I realize that quite a few things had just happened. I blatantly expressed my feelings for Jammie without opening my mouth, I lost a piece of my religion by enjoying his company, and I showed him how weak my feelings were by constantly blushing. All that being said, my faith, my shyness, and fear of my parents still suppressed my growing feelings for him. Since I was a young child, my parents constantly preached of the dangers in "falling for the wrong guy". A boy from my school who was a Christian, popular, and jobless was their exact definition of the wrong guy. But seeing all those characteristics in a guy as an eighteen year old high school senior, he was my definition of perfect. I was in love with everything about him from his slim, yet sturdy 6'3 frame, to his hazel eyes which stood out from his caramel colored skin, to his smile which was full of pride and humor. In my book, he was perfect, and everyone's stories about him being a player and a bad boy made my feelings for him grow stronger because I just knew I could mold him into the young man I wanted him to be. I can convince him to revert to Islam, I can make him fall for only me, I can help him reach his goals in life, I thought to myself and I continued to stare at my reflection. After drying my face with a paper towel and trashing it, I headed to my Algebra 3 class thinking of Jammie all the way there. Little did I know it, but later I'd learn the hard way that you can't change a person who doesn't want to be changed. In such situations, the only person who will change is the person who has hopes of positively changing a negative person.