Real Life Problems

Life Update

Hey!  It's been a while...but I have this new feeling inside; I'm waking up early along with the sunrise.

     So, a lot has happened, I broke ANOTHER phone a week or two ago...I can't tell how long.  My days are mixing together again. 

     So, I have gotten into a car accident with my friend, her mom, her two younger sisters (I was the only one not crying or screaming), I got my first boyfriend ever...broke up with my first boyfriend ever, been trying to NOT think about him, failing at not thinking about him, I don't open up very much, I have a some what "don't care" attitude, and I am constantly praying and reading my Bible.

I have been doing pretty well in band and I am practicing hardcore on trying to try out either next semester at Philharmonia** (a thingie), or maybe next year altogether.  I'm trying to be the rock for people when they need me...but some of the people are stupid, and some are emotional, and some of them...just refuse me.  They come when they need me, but other than that...I honestly don't care.  I am going through something...ya know the boyfriend thing, myself.  I have been expanding my knowledge on music, I have been reading a lot more, I have been reading cook books, and really...just trying to shut out the world without shutting out my friends again.  I found myself a little while ago and I don't want to loose the waste of time I am.  I lost MY rock because he never answered my phone calls...never left any voicemails, and he never called back...probably never even listened to my voicemails.  He said we were going to settle on just being friends, well...how in the world can we be friends if you never contact me...not even send me that letter you said you  were thinking about sending?

     I have been stressed as well because of THINGS and LIKE EHHH!
I have more stressed bumps on my head.  But, I like to literally go along carefree.  Like...I dance, I act like a bird but look like an airplane...uh...I am pretty funny when I say weird things on accident...XD
I sing like I'm dying because sometimes I feel like I am.
Music has become my life...and if HE doesn't ever want to talk to me again, he can.  I already promised I would never love anyone ever again, and I would never try with anyone ever again.  Don't leave someone that didn't believe in love, yet you made her believe.  You made her believe something she thought was impossible, then you disappear...again.  If I was to ever ask him what happened, all he would say is "I'm sorry" like..."No, I'm sorry I ever tried."  And I am.  Not being selfish, it's because I hurt that kid more than I hurt myself.

     "Why did you come to that table and play your trombone like a pro?"
"...I don't know...I guess I was drawn to you"
"Oh..."

     You know that I have always dreamed of my dream guy to say that to me?  Yeah, a big secret of mine.
Another secret of mine is that I wanted 5 kids:  Allen Hayes, Mystery Luna, Alphonse Elric, Rose River, then either David Stratis or Cumulus Cloud.

I always talk about wanting to be an author/band director/live on the pier of Brighton and have a GreatDane named Coobie...well, I always wanted to be a housewife, too.  Just...be cleaning the dishes after a home-cooked meal, then my husband come behind me and hug me from behind.  I don't really care when my friends hug me from behind; I find it a little weird because I always wanted my future husband/boyfriend to do that.

Never mind now...there's a guy that I love with all my heart, I would do anything for, I would literally die for, but if he doesn't want to talk to me, if he doesn't want to love me, just wants to be friends...I'll do that.


Want me to disappear from your life?  I'll do that.  I already promised I won't ever try again, with anyone.

The best guy I have ever met, the best person...just him as a person was...sensational.  Him without the boyfriend behavior and tag, he's the best person ever.
Geez I'm crying again.
It's okay ^.^ anything from him.
Him.
That's all I think about.
My head constantly hurts.
And it sucks.
Never felt like this before, for anyone.  Not even Josh, not ever Frankie, and defiantly not Brandon(He's my best friend).
This is different...but I'll wait.
I sing the songs he gave to me all the time...three songs.
I've been singing a lot of Bruno Mars songs though, listening to one now.
It Will Rain
Talking to the Moon
When I Was  Your Man
All those just because I feel like it.


     I thank you for whoever reads this...and honestly if you really knew me in real life, and saw the way I am...you would have never expected this in my head.
I don't  lie all the time, but I do wear a mask sometimes...trying not to though.
It's alright, like I said, anything for him.

Also, keep in your prayers my personal editor, aka one of my best friends, she hasn't been feeling good lately and she hasn't been at home in a month or two...I miss her.  And I have been writing in my books again...I said I would write on Wattpad not in the notebooks, but when I look over what I wrote, it helps give my editor not much worry and think I am stupid XD.

Thank ya everyone and remember,
Peace
Love
and.....
FOOD
Listen to music everybody, it helps.
And time will never break your heart, but it'll take the pain away.


                                        ~
<3Rache