Kaven Rants

Summer/Back To School Rant

So Raven suggested that I update and it's been a month since I did so, why not.

But I don't have anything to discuss since I little to no life. So I'll share that with you guys

So my summer was nothing really, it was laid back and boring, I spend most of the summer at home, babysitting, writing.

I earn $98 dollars for babysitting but it all went away like from having senior pictures. That week alone drove me crazy alot having to be my mom forcing me to become someone I'm not.

I was glad that I had took the pictures which I thought was ugly.

I was talking to a guy way before summer began and we hang out at the mall. But during the summer the conversations was less frequent and I was kinda panicked because I'm the type of person that don't like to waste my time on just anyone.

It become clear to me that he was someone I don't want to be around with.

I told him straight up that I liked him and he was giving me really weird iffy, half assed answers. And because I talked about sex alot, he assumed I wanted to loose my virginity and he disrespected me, and that led to me to never text him again.

I basically had myself all summer with the occasion of a few friends of mine in real life. I let go a few people. And I had Raven, and a few of you guys.

This summer really taught about people and who I am. I learned that I was too giving and nice. I always the opposite person, no one not knowing my name. Hell didn't care to know. Was always checking us on others instead of the other person checking on me.

I was always the problem solver.

For now I want to be known as myself, my individual, independent self.

I gain and lost people on here as well mostly because I'm always talking someone out of suicide every other week. Always accused of lying, been disrespected and I have always taken this person back but now I need change. I need to stay away from the negative and focus and surround myself with positive energy and people.

June was a boring month, but July got a bit more interesting

One day I got a message from my aunt to hang out and I been avoiding her mainly because my mom doesn't want me to have any connection with her a few years ago. So I was like why not and I went with my aunt and we we're catching up and I found out she's was moving back to New York.

I always desired to go back to New York and I felt jealous and my aunt was tired of the South so that's why she was heading back.

I went to IHOP for the first time and I spoke to my grandpa and he missed me and my family. My aunt came up with the idea that I should come along to New York which would be three days but it would be good to see family.

I was excited and I pleaded my mom to go and she was hesitant but she said yes and I packed early. My mom spend a bunch of money on snacks and drinks for me to take. And some extra money unknown to her that I already had about $100 before her giving me money, and off to New York I went. Well we ended going late but I couldn't even sleep, I wanted it to be a surprise to Raven but I'm horrible at keeping surprises.

I went for three days, I arrived late coming to New York and I reached out to my best friend of 4yrs and I texted Raven, my mom and my "friend"

Upon arriving I just wanted to be up and about knowing I was leaving the next day afterwards. It gave me a chance to see my aunt and cousins and my grandpa on my dad's side.

And I got a bit emotional for one I saw my dad's mural but didn't walk up to it, so seeing it from a distance and two seeing my grandpa, on my mom's side he played this act in front of people but behind close doors he was aggressive as hell. It scared me, my mom would tell me stories but I wasn't picturing that.

I got alot shit for how I dressed and how I'm fake. I mostly sat in for the rest of the night talking with my mom and my friend

Second day, my aunt invited me out to a bbq and in the morning I visited my grandma. Before going I asked her if she needed anything since I was staying in her old room, she wanted books and I look in her closet and came across a old photo album and she was gorgeous, it moved me. I got there and saw my nana and there's was so much I wanted to say but my grandpa was in the room. And I called my mom, and I feel like me going to New York I bonded with my mom.

I went to the bbq later on, I got slut shamed in public as well but I reunited with my uncle I met for the first time a few years ago. He was welcoming and wanted me to stay longer but I couldn't even though I wanted to. I also saw my uncle as well I haven't seen since I was a kid, he saw my mom in me since I get that alot from folks.

I got to wrap this story up 😂 so my last day in New York, I had nothing absolutely to do but I want to manage seeing my godfather and I wanted to see Raven as well. Me and my grandpa got in a argument that left me to go out and my godfather called me a uber to see him and it wasn't all that grand, he had other things to do and his friends tried their best to cheer me up. I felt uncomfortable and at the last minute as I was leaving he squeezes in time and we kept in touch.

I had to go back to my grandpa's house and finish packing and we argued up until I left and I felt bad I didn't see raven, my aunt wanted me to leave at a certain time if only I paid that uber extra to visit my twin

So I came back with like $300 dollars. I didn't do much but relax, went out with my best guy friend. And school was in session, I felt relax till my "friend" brings makes everything about himself including my situation with the guy wanting sex from me.

Everyone knows and overwhelmed me with the same question. I'm about ready to cut him off as a friend because he's annoying, I rarely pay attention to no one but myself and it sounds selfish but that's the truth.

I don't want to be constantly annoyed because I'll because ready to punch someone 😂

Really that's all I have for you guys and I'll see you guys next time

~K