The Monster In My Head PREVIEW

Day 2

I should start by introducing myself.

My name is Gina.

It's German and it means 'glorious warrior'. I suppose I am a warrior in some sense, so it fits me pretty well. My parents must have guessed that I would need a strong name in this messed-up and cruel world that we live in. Being strong is the daily struggle of surviving in our current world.

There are three rules that I follow on a day-to-day basis. These rules are my main reason for existing, without the rules, I would still be stuck cowering underneath my duvet, hiding my entire life away. It might seem stupid to have rules to live by, but as you get to understand me better, you'll understand why I do what I do. Why I am the way I am. What I'm basically saying is that I have my reasons and I'm sure you must have heard stranger things than living your life by rules. Some religions dictate how people can live their lives so it can't seem too strange. If this seems strange to you, maybe you should just walk away right now, because it's only going to get weirder.

I've warned you.

My rules are simple.

They're easy to understand and they make my life slightly easier. Overall, I'm a pretty dull person, everything about me screams that, and I'm happy to be that type of person. Life is about knowing your limitations and I know mine. I'm never going to be a Kate Moss or an Audrey Hepburn, but that's alright. I just want to be normal, not dull and not depressing, just normal. I'm going off track. I tend to go off track sometimes, again, personality; it's one of the unlucky things about the genetic lottery, you never really know what exactly you're going to get. Sadly, I got the worst genetics out of me and my brother. Thanks, genetics.

But, back to my rules. These are the crème de la crème the cherry on top of the icing, the best of the best. These are the three rules that can never, ever be broken, because otherwise, it means total meltdown. A total collapse. These rules are my law, and when I don't follow them (which is very rare) then it leads to a horrifically unthinkable situation.

MY RULES:

1. Never leave the house without a fully charged phone.

2. Never ever go to an unfamiliar place.

3. Never go anywhere without your pills.

I can't stress how important these three rules are. They will change your life if you're like me, well, that is if anyone ever actually ends up reading this, which is very unlikely. Truthfully, I would rather put pins in my eyes than let anyone ever see this. It was originally meant to be a writing assignment for class; sort of a journal, or a letter to people about who I am.

So, it's day two of starting this project and I figured my rules are a great place to start, because it's important. Actually, it's massive, because for the last few years, they've helped me hold my ground. They've brought me back so many times when I thought it was impossible. That's how I've lasted as long as what I have. They've saved me in a sense. There's never been a manual or a perfect way to deal with anxiety, and there never will be because each person is different, and there isn't a cure. But, the rules do help. The rules that every anxiety stricken person should follow to avoid social anxiety in the animalistic environment known as high school.

It all starts as fun and games, but it's amazing how quickly things can change. One minute you're completely fine and the next you're just not. All the walls are just giving way and pushing in, and it's one of the worst feelings in the entire galaxy. That's anxiety.

What am I saying?

High school is so hard. Every inch of it is hard, but that's just the society that we live in, because everything is hard and it's just another part of living and everyone has to go through it at some point and that comforts me a little. But, high school with anxiety? It makes it twenty times worse. Anxiety is a soul-sucking illness leaching on doubts inside your brain, but my rules have helped me survive this far, so I must be doing something right.

So, sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. It's gonna be one hell of a journey, that's for sure.