Beating For Two

Chapter 32

Thursday, April 28th

Thirty-six weeks and three days

When I woke up Thursday morning, it was with an uncomfortable feeling in my lower stomach. For a moment I had no memory whatsoever about mine and Harry's less than pleasant conversation the previous day, but then it all rolled over me and I closed my eyes again and let out a long drawn-out sigh.

The fact that Harry and I could never seem to just have reasonable conversations about our problems and then settle them there and then had never quite annoyed and frustrated me as much as it did right there and then. It was less than a month left before the baby was supposed to be born and now, after I'd lived under the impression that Harry and I agreed on the adoption-matter for quite a long time, he decided that he wasn't in on the plan after all.

It was ten AM and I was already in a bad mood.

With a little groan at how sore my back felt, I sat up and flung my legs over the edge of the bed. I sat there for a couple of moments, rubbing my eyes and giving my stomach a couple of the usual good morning-rubs, before I stood up on my feet and- oh.

I blinked and looked down to where my hands were still resting loosely on my stomach, worry instinctively clouding my mind. There was some sort of a faint sense of pain contracting in my lower stomach, like a sponge inside me was being squeezed repeatedly over and over again. The feeling wasn't necessarily directly painful – maybe just a little –, but it was uncomfortable and left me with a nagging feeling of uneasiness in the back of my head, which I'd last experienced a week earlier. This feeling was similar, but a hundred times less painful. Thank God. But still, it couldn't be good, could it? Or maybe it was normal to experience a few unusual sensations this late in a pregnancy?

This late in the pregnancy.

I swallowed.

There were only two weeks or so left now, and then it would all be... over. It would be gone.

Those were the exact same kinds of thoughts that had crossed my mind yesterday, and I shook my head quickly, not quite feeling the need to indulge myself in a topic that did nothing for me but to bring me down to a level of sadness that was better suited for a funeral than for a pretty normal day in the life of a guy in the eighth months of his pregnancy.

It was a little ridiculous anyway, wasn't it? I was the only one now who was adamant on sticking to the plan of giving up the baby for adoption; Harry had said straight out that he didn't want that and that he'd rather keep the baby and raise him, so the only “obstacle” here was me. I was the only thing standing in the way, and so I didn't feel like I had any right to feel sad about the fact that two months from now, my life would be one hundred percent baby free. With one simple conversation, I could turn the entire situation around. It was a pretty scary thought.

But it was just silly. After all the time I'd spent on trying to get Harry to understand that giving the baby away would be the best for every party involved, it would be dumb – not to mention selfish – of me to go and tell him that I'd changed my mind. Not that I had changed my mind anyway; I still stood for what I'd said about both the baby, Harry and I being better off if we gave him up for adoption.

Or, well, the baby would definitely be better off, and so would Harry and I, physically spoken, but I knew that I would be hurting for a long time after the adoption process was completed. And I was pretty sure Harry would have it just as bad.

But to give the baby away was still the best decision.

I sighed solemnly and looked down at my stomach where I stood.

“I really hope you don't end up hating me one day,” I said quietly.

There was no kicking to be detected, but the same semi-painful sensation shot through my lower stomach again and I frowned every so slightly. I remained standing in the same spot for a couple of more minutes, waiting for something more to happen, but no. No more uncomfortable jolts or painful churns occurred, and I shook my head a little, feeling slightly exasperated.